I don't understand the desire to procreate. Well, put it that way and I tell a lie. I perfectly understand the desire to procreate. *purrrr*
I suppose what I don't understand is the urging need to propagate. The last thing I want is a mini-Me running around. How terrifying.
I remember when my cousin first got married. I had asked her about her plans, in general, and she had, without the slightest hesitation, answered they wanted to start a family immediately. I was startled, but I thought, oh, heh heh. Iiiiii get it. *nudge nudge*wink wink* But she was serious, and she had a bun in the oven before the honeymoon was over! (To be fair, it was a 3-month honeymoon. Oh, to have ultra-wealthy, doting parents!)
I didn't understand it. Didn't she want to experience what it was living as husband and wife for a bit of quiet bliss before never ever ever having that kind of peace again for the rest of their lives??
And a child is no small responsibility, it's an unbreakable commitment for life! Even long after they've grown and having kids of their own, they're still your responsibility! Well, that seems like the modern Asian way, anyway, especially if you're upper middle- and above class.
It's just so ... if there was ever a ball-and-chain commitment, this is definitely it. Marriages nowadays are no longer so inescapable, but the responsibility of caring for your children is not an option. For responsible people, that is. :op It's not that I fear I won't be able to handle that kind of responsibility, I know I very definitely can, but I just don't want it. I most vehemently don't want it.
I know some people badly want children and therefore gladly shoulder the responsibility for the wonderful joys parenthood rewards them with. I find that .. admirable. And I understand that.
What I don't understand is WHY people want children in the first place??!!!
Natural instinct? Or our own ego driving us to have little 'us'-es? I know some of you have kids, or want to have kids, and I'd love to play with them and take them to parks and take them shopping and buy all your kids lots and lots of toys, candy and clothes .. but I don't want one of my own.
No, I am NOT a paedophile!
My sister think it's exceedingly strange, as I am good with kids. I manage them well, I am patient with them, and I can always get kids to do what I want without having to resort to threats of monsters lurking in hidden corners, policemen/guards-will-catch-you or corporal punishment, but I want none of my own.
You know what I love? Teaching kids; small children, up to the age of twelve. On and off between my tertiary schooling, I often found time to teach younger children. Once I even volunteered as a teaching assistant at a school for handicapped children, and honestly speaking, I loved every moment of it.
When I was looking for a job earlier this year, I actually went to several interviews for positions that required working with and teaching young kids, and you know what? I was sorely tempted, but at the time, I thought it best to give engineering as a career a try first. My main motivation for deciding this was that engineering paid more. I'm not wrong. Hardly noble, but I've never professed to possessing higher virtues. I want my money. I figured that after I'm financially secure I can do whatever the hell I want, be it teaching young kids, or veterinary science. You know how people say never work with children or animals? I wouldn't even mind doing both at the same time! Eh heh.
Now, I still think about those teaching jobs I gave up, wondering if I might be happier there than I am here, wondering if the higher pay is really worth giving up the opportunity to do something I know I would enjoy.
Sigh.
I love my brother. He's four. I was 21 when he came along. I've had an active hand in raising him from a wee tadpole, and I love him to bits. And because there is this huge age difference, its almost like having a son of my own. Nakal pun nakal lah, but there is nothing I would not do for the little brat, and he's one of the greatest loves of my life. He's my very own little man.
But still, I don't want a child of my own womb. The thought makes me shudder.
I don't know. I suppose I simply don't want to bring another person into this world, not me personally. I think I'm more the type of person who would open an orphanage or a home, take in stray waifs, raise them and nurture them in a way their own natural parents neglected to provide for them, then send them on their way.
I think I'm more suited to the role of Mentor than Mother. I have no desire what-so-ever to propagate. I think that the only way I would ever have kids of my own would be through adoption, by *oopsie!* accident, or if my husband desired children. I would give my husband children, should he so desire, but if given the choice, I'd rather not. Thank God He sent me the one He did, which only makes me feel better about the posibilities of this relationship.
I suppose the same maternal instinct in most women manifests itself in its exactly reverse polarity in me. Who knows? I might feel this way now, and have a change of heart later, in which case I'll just have to eat my post.
But until then, will you let me spoil your children instead? ;o)
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Monday, September 12, 2005
Thursday, September 01, 2005
A Passing Breeze
You know, they say you may forget the names of people, you may even forget their faces, but you never forget the way they made you feel.
I've been thinking about them of late; the people of my past. No, not just the romantic episodes, just .. people who have left impressions on me, and who I've never seen since.
I remember nursery school. Apparently, I attended a Montessori kindie. I don't remember. Anyway, I was four years old (still being weaned off diapers, yes), and I had a sweetheart. I remember he was this huge Chinese boy who used to carry my sand pail to the sandbox for me, every single time.
I remember too, Mrs Nayaranan, who gave me my first colouring book. Lol. At the kindie, we used to get only one ripped-out page to colour, and if you were deemed good enough (ie. colour within the lines - they were raising sheeeeep!!) you got a whole colouring book to yourself. I remember I was close to the last person to not have my own colouring book yet, and when I finished the picture of that clown (always a damned clown!), and after answering that I had left the gloves blank on purpose because they were supposed to be white, I finally got my own book. I remember feeling so ... satisfied, and accomplished. So satisfied and accomplished that I finished colouring it before I was supposed to (one page a day only) that I got told off for sneaking into the activities cupboard and crayon smuggling. :op
Lol.
I remember the girl from my Maryvale Good Shepard kindie, Mimi, who came to my sixth birthday party and gave me a Snow White doll, which I treasured for years. It was the first doll to have flexible elbow and knees, waaay before Barbie. Lol. We sent her home after the party. I think she lived in PJ.
I remember Eizwan. Lol! My dearest, dearest Eizwan. :o)
Strangely, though, I don't remember my first crush. I remember my huuuugest crush (over someone 9 years my senior!), but I don't remember my first crush.
Well, proper one, over a boy I actually knew, that is. :o)
I remember my first, real romantic ... well, for lack of a better word, relationship, We were in the same choir, so we saw each other every Saturday AND Sunday. For three years.
He was a complete dork! Lol. It was he who introduced me to Magic, the Gathering. *rolleyes* Lol. But it was also he who introduced me to the wonderful genre of Fantasy, so you won't ever hear me complain. And besides, he was kinda cute. *G*
I had a lot of fun with him. It was great fun... but we never made it even to the holding-hands bit.
Give me a break! I had grown up in an all-girls school all my life! I was too unsure of myself way back then to make the first move, and though he was a year older, being a complete dork, I guess he was too shy too.
But we said a lot of things in a hundred small, different ways. Like how we always practised dance steps for the musicals together, even after we had perfected it because we just had so much fun dancing with each other.
And how we'd sit for lengths of time talking about books, movies .. aaah, I'm sure you lot know the drill.
He gave me his favourite glass pebbles. It may not seem like a lot, a bit strange even, but there was a lot of worth in that strange, simple gift.
:o)
I wonder where he is now.
It's been nine years since. Yes, nine, but I can recall every memory with clarity. You never forget the way someone made you feel, and at a time when you were a chubby, too-tall and too-big 16-year-old and being good-looking was the only thing there was to being an attractive person, you never forget how someone saw beyond the plain exterior to the person you are, or have the potential to be, inside.
Some things, Time cannot take away from you.
... and with a little bit of patience, Time rewards you with so much more. :o)
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
I've been thinking about them of late; the people of my past. No, not just the romantic episodes, just .. people who have left impressions on me, and who I've never seen since.
I remember nursery school. Apparently, I attended a Montessori kindie. I don't remember. Anyway, I was four years old (still being weaned off diapers, yes), and I had a sweetheart. I remember he was this huge Chinese boy who used to carry my sand pail to the sandbox for me, every single time.
I remember too, Mrs Nayaranan, who gave me my first colouring book. Lol. At the kindie, we used to get only one ripped-out page to colour, and if you were deemed good enough (ie. colour within the lines - they were raising sheeeeep!!) you got a whole colouring book to yourself. I remember I was close to the last person to not have my own colouring book yet, and when I finished the picture of that clown (always a damned clown!), and after answering that I had left the gloves blank on purpose because they were supposed to be white, I finally got my own book. I remember feeling so ... satisfied, and accomplished. So satisfied and accomplished that I finished colouring it before I was supposed to (one page a day only) that I got told off for sneaking into the activities cupboard and crayon smuggling. :op
Lol.
I remember the girl from my Maryvale Good Shepard kindie, Mimi, who came to my sixth birthday party and gave me a Snow White doll, which I treasured for years. It was the first doll to have flexible elbow and knees, waaay before Barbie. Lol. We sent her home after the party. I think she lived in PJ.
I remember Eizwan. Lol! My dearest, dearest Eizwan. :o)
Strangely, though, I don't remember my first crush. I remember my huuuugest crush (over someone 9 years my senior!), but I don't remember my first crush.
Well, proper one, over a boy I actually knew, that is. :o)
I remember my first, real romantic ... well, for lack of a better word, relationship, We were in the same choir, so we saw each other every Saturday AND Sunday. For three years.
He was a complete dork! Lol. It was he who introduced me to Magic, the Gathering. *rolleyes* Lol. But it was also he who introduced me to the wonderful genre of Fantasy, so you won't ever hear me complain. And besides, he was kinda cute. *G*
I had a lot of fun with him. It was great fun... but we never made it even to the holding-hands bit.
Give me a break! I had grown up in an all-girls school all my life! I was too unsure of myself way back then to make the first move, and though he was a year older, being a complete dork, I guess he was too shy too.
But we said a lot of things in a hundred small, different ways. Like how we always practised dance steps for the musicals together, even after we had perfected it because we just had so much fun dancing with each other.
And how we'd sit for lengths of time talking about books, movies .. aaah, I'm sure you lot know the drill.
He gave me his favourite glass pebbles. It may not seem like a lot, a bit strange even, but there was a lot of worth in that strange, simple gift.
:o)
I wonder where he is now.
It's been nine years since. Yes, nine, but I can recall every memory with clarity. You never forget the way someone made you feel, and at a time when you were a chubby, too-tall and too-big 16-year-old and being good-looking was the only thing there was to being an attractive person, you never forget how someone saw beyond the plain exterior to the person you are, or have the potential to be, inside.
Some things, Time cannot take away from you.
... and with a little bit of patience, Time rewards you with so much more. :o)
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Monday, August 29, 2005
Hilarious!
Wahahaaa! I find these quizzes absolutely hilarious! Lol ...
And from the colour of my underwear, they were able to determine:
and
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Your Deadly Sins |
Envy: 100% |
Pride: 80% |
Sloth: 80% |
Gluttony: 40% |
Greed: 40% |
Wrath: 40% |
Lust: 20% |
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 57% |
You will die a boring death. While dying, you will be jealous of those who die dramatic deaths. |
And from the colour of my underwear, they were able to determine:
You are |
 |
and
You Are a Liberal for Life |
 You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it. For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business. You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic. Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too. |
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Rain
I scampered into the R&D building this morning, and no sooner than I did, the sky loosed its fury in torrents. I think my heel got wet.
It rained today. It rained and rained and rained. It was most welcome, especially after the thick, haze-stricken week we had last week before it mysteriously disappeared. Wasn't it odd, how it was just suddenly .. clear? Almost crystal clear, at that.
I welcomed the rain for a very different reason, though. Simply put, I love the rain.
I love it when it rains. Sudden squalls, short showers, torrential thunderstorms, delicate drizzles - I love it all. I've never been afraid of thunderstorms, not even as a child. Sure, the sudden crack of thunder still startles me, but never frightens. When I was little I would sit at the window with my face right up against the glass panes, watching lightning strikes and rain fall. My grand-aunt would always pull me away for fear of my being struck by lightning. :o)
I love the smell of rain, I can smell it hours before it falls. It smells gorgeous; like fresh wetness. And I can always sense when it is just about to pour, there is a heaviness to the air, a palpable pressure, a sort of pressing anticipation. And the close steam that rises off the ground immediately after it rains, there are few better warmths.
Have you ever danced in the rain? It's liberating, for some reason, it is liberating. And the coolness of rain on your skin, it's beautiful. Now, I am a daughter of the Malaysian Sun through and through, and I can't really stand to be cold. I get cold very quickly, and air-conditioning for me has to be nothing lower than 23∞C or my fingers and nose go numb. I must have been a lizard in my past life. Cold makes me lethargic. But the rain. *shivers with delight*
The coolness of rain seeps into your skin, a delicate tinge that lasts long after you've dried off. And your skin always feels so .. different. So much softer, so much more .. gebu. And I've never experienced hair to ever be softer than after its been rain-washed.
I don't get to indulge in such heathen-like practises anymore, not here with the acid rain and shite. *grumbles* I'll always remember school holidays in Terengganu with my cousins, playing in the rain where it was relatively a whole lot cleaner. And at times when I unavoidably get caught in the rain, like yesterday, the sensations bring back a whole host of warm memories.
My favourite thing to do when it rains is Nothing. Absolutely nothing, but listening to it fall. I especially love listening to rain fall on aluminium awnings. Its so noisy! Perhaps it triggers some good feelings from some deep-buried memory of childhood, I know not, but I find its noise soothing.
I am quiet when it rains. It seems appropriate, giving the rain the reverence it's due. I love watching rain slide down glass panes. I love how the world outside suddenly becomes hushed and seemingly at peace, a brief reprieve from the bustling of an ordinary day.
If it rains when I'm at KLCC, I like to buy a book and sit at Kino's Book Club with a lovely double. If it rains when I am at home, I love to curl up in bed under the duvet and read a book with the curtains drawn back. The only thing I can think of that could possibly top that is being in bed, under the duvet, with a nice, warm other person to curl up to. Lol....
Its lunch-time now, and it's still raining, a lazy, mist-like drizzle. And while I should have been studying boring technical drawings of chassis components, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sound and the smell of the rain.
~ Thursday, 18th August 2005
It rained today. It rained and rained and rained. It was most welcome, especially after the thick, haze-stricken week we had last week before it mysteriously disappeared. Wasn't it odd, how it was just suddenly .. clear? Almost crystal clear, at that.
I welcomed the rain for a very different reason, though. Simply put, I love the rain.
I love it when it rains. Sudden squalls, short showers, torrential thunderstorms, delicate drizzles - I love it all. I've never been afraid of thunderstorms, not even as a child. Sure, the sudden crack of thunder still startles me, but never frightens. When I was little I would sit at the window with my face right up against the glass panes, watching lightning strikes and rain fall. My grand-aunt would always pull me away for fear of my being struck by lightning. :o)
I love the smell of rain, I can smell it hours before it falls. It smells gorgeous; like fresh wetness. And I can always sense when it is just about to pour, there is a heaviness to the air, a palpable pressure, a sort of pressing anticipation. And the close steam that rises off the ground immediately after it rains, there are few better warmths.
Have you ever danced in the rain? It's liberating, for some reason, it is liberating. And the coolness of rain on your skin, it's beautiful. Now, I am a daughter of the Malaysian Sun through and through, and I can't really stand to be cold. I get cold very quickly, and air-conditioning for me has to be nothing lower than 23∞C or my fingers and nose go numb. I must have been a lizard in my past life. Cold makes me lethargic. But the rain. *shivers with delight*
The coolness of rain seeps into your skin, a delicate tinge that lasts long after you've dried off. And your skin always feels so .. different. So much softer, so much more .. gebu. And I've never experienced hair to ever be softer than after its been rain-washed.
I don't get to indulge in such heathen-like practises anymore, not here with the acid rain and shite. *grumbles* I'll always remember school holidays in Terengganu with my cousins, playing in the rain where it was relatively a whole lot cleaner. And at times when I unavoidably get caught in the rain, like yesterday, the sensations bring back a whole host of warm memories.
My favourite thing to do when it rains is Nothing. Absolutely nothing, but listening to it fall. I especially love listening to rain fall on aluminium awnings. Its so noisy! Perhaps it triggers some good feelings from some deep-buried memory of childhood, I know not, but I find its noise soothing.
I am quiet when it rains. It seems appropriate, giving the rain the reverence it's due. I love watching rain slide down glass panes. I love how the world outside suddenly becomes hushed and seemingly at peace, a brief reprieve from the bustling of an ordinary day.
If it rains when I'm at KLCC, I like to buy a book and sit at Kino's Book Club with a lovely double. If it rains when I am at home, I love to curl up in bed under the duvet and read a book with the curtains drawn back. The only thing I can think of that could possibly top that is being in bed, under the duvet, with a nice, warm other person to curl up to. Lol....
Its lunch-time now, and it's still raining, a lazy, mist-like drizzle. And while I should have been studying boring technical drawings of chassis components, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sound and the smell of the rain.
~ Thursday, 18th August 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Freaky-Passionate (or Freakily-Passionate?) Kisser Ahoy!
Part Freaky Kisser |
 When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go |
Part Passionate Kisser |
 For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble |
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Phew!
Sigh. As things are currently somewhat slow at the office now, I thought I might as well write an update.
I've done it! I've managed to get myself a job in a factory! ;oP haha .. well, I'm not really working in the factory proper, being in the R&D department, but it's still fun, nonetheless.
Is the job interesting? It's too early to tell, I've only been here a week, where I haven't been doing much apart from reading manuals, manuals, and more manuals. And everyone speaks in abbrevations, it's so hard to follow conversations most times.
So I talked to the PIC at PVD, and he said that the LPTL for the PQCM1 came back NG and we can't proceed with Pilot Pro. We'll have to do an ECI, so call EIT and have them draft us an official copy, and make sure you tell PP that TA needs a copy, and to cc TE along with a TRF.
*crickets chirping*
Hmmmm .....
I kid you not. I go everywhere with my Little Red (Note)Book, jotting down abbreviations, then sit at my desk trying to decode them. Everyone seems too busy for me to bug, altho they did say I could ask them anything at all. Still, I didn't want to bother everyone with silly questions. :oP
Random observation: there are a helluva lot of Malays working here, but just about everyone speaks English quite well - what a relief!!
Uh.. that's really about it at the moment. No real work yet to enthuse about, so that'll have to wait. But so far, I like what I see, and I think I'll be staying for a while. I can't wait to see where I'll go from here! :o)
~@~@~@~@~@~
Also, due to my working in Rawang, I've found a place nearby. Yay! Am finally moving out! Almost embarrassing only moving out at the ripe old age of 25, but this is Malaysia, the land where two-thirds of the population live bawah ketiak mak until they marry .. and even then half of them still don't leave home, so maybe I should be so embarrassed after all. ;oP
It's a lovely-ing-ly spacious stand-alone, for significantly less than the price of renting a cubby-hole in a shoe-box in KL. Rawang has its redeeming qualities, I suppose. Four rooms (FOUR!), with a small kitchen and two baths. Ok, so the bathrooms are miniscule, but I have a lot of space for a lovely garden with a big papaya tree already growing in the back. And it's in fruit! Lots of it! :oD
The neighbourhood is great, lots of people but really quiet. No shops in the immediate area, which is probably why it's so quiet, but with the shops only a short hop-and-a-skip away.
The neighbours .. ermmm .. well. They seem to be the .. how can I phrase this delicately? Melayu busybody. We had repainted the interior walls a bright yellow, and from across the lorong, across the lorong!!, Cik Timah can call out, "Rumah awak kuning, yeeeeeeeee?" We had covered the windows!!! And my immediate neighbour, the wife looks like one of the more regressive ustazahs I had in school.
*shudder* God, I hated that ustazah. All the answer she had to my questions of, "Why?" was to fix a stony, dumb stare my way, say, "Sebab Allah dah takdirkan, apa nak buat??", and announce that I would only find eternal damnation for my heretical inquisitiveness. Well, no, she didn't damn me to all hells, but she did at one point, announce to the class that people like me are beyond help and redemption. So much for being an educator of religion. What could a 'teacher' (and I use the term extremely loosely, she didn't teach me shit) like that do to an impressionable young teen? It's people like that who give religion a bad name, and here she was teaching it!
As an adult now, I am horrified. I am afraid my own children will go to school and be taught to be narrow-minded, to have their curiosity squelched, to be taught bullshit like that "ustazah" was trying to unload on us. By God, I hated that woman. And I thank God for people like Ustazah Fatimah and Ustazah Mashitah. Wonderful teachers they were, and wonderfully perspective religious people they were, in a world where a lot of people take religion on face value without bothering to, nay, even wanting to ask, to understand the fundamental purpose and meaning of it all.
Uhm ... back to my house. Yes, I don't like the look of my neighbours - it doesn't help that the kopiah-and-janggut kambing-combo husband never looks my way (his gaze always just slides past me as if I was invisible, I hate that, I always immediately distrust people like that!) - but I won't judge on appearances alone. She could be a wonderful person, they could both be wonderful people, but I'll be wary of them nonetheless. Always better safe than sorry. *wink*
Well, my place is lovely now. Not as complete as I'd have it, but that will be achieved in time. I shall be moving in today. I can't wait. :o)
By the way, am in good spirits this week as I just bought Mac's iBook G4 over the weekend! It's soooo cute! I love my new toy. *G*
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
I've done it! I've managed to get myself a job in a factory! ;oP haha .. well, I'm not really working in the factory proper, being in the R&D department, but it's still fun, nonetheless.
Is the job interesting? It's too early to tell, I've only been here a week, where I haven't been doing much apart from reading manuals, manuals, and more manuals. And everyone speaks in abbrevations, it's so hard to follow conversations most times.
So I talked to the PIC at PVD, and he said that the LPTL for the PQCM1 came back NG and we can't proceed with Pilot Pro. We'll have to do an ECI, so call EIT and have them draft us an official copy, and make sure you tell PP that TA needs a copy, and to cc TE along with a TRF.
*crickets chirping*
Hmmmm .....
I kid you not. I go everywhere with my Little Red (Note)Book, jotting down abbreviations, then sit at my desk trying to decode them. Everyone seems too busy for me to bug, altho they did say I could ask them anything at all. Still, I didn't want to bother everyone with silly questions. :oP
Random observation: there are a helluva lot of Malays working here, but just about everyone speaks English quite well - what a relief!!
Uh.. that's really about it at the moment. No real work yet to enthuse about, so that'll have to wait. But so far, I like what I see, and I think I'll be staying for a while. I can't wait to see where I'll go from here! :o)
~@~@~@~@~@~
Also, due to my working in Rawang, I've found a place nearby. Yay! Am finally moving out! Almost embarrassing only moving out at the ripe old age of 25, but this is Malaysia, the land where two-thirds of the population live bawah ketiak mak until they marry .. and even then half of them still don't leave home, so maybe I should be so embarrassed after all. ;oP
It's a lovely-ing-ly spacious stand-alone, for significantly less than the price of renting a cubby-hole in a shoe-box in KL. Rawang has its redeeming qualities, I suppose. Four rooms (FOUR!), with a small kitchen and two baths. Ok, so the bathrooms are miniscule, but I have a lot of space for a lovely garden with a big papaya tree already growing in the back. And it's in fruit! Lots of it! :oD
The neighbourhood is great, lots of people but really quiet. No shops in the immediate area, which is probably why it's so quiet, but with the shops only a short hop-and-a-skip away.
The neighbours .. ermmm .. well. They seem to be the .. how can I phrase this delicately? Melayu busybody. We had repainted the interior walls a bright yellow, and from across the lorong, across the lorong!!, Cik Timah can call out, "Rumah awak kuning, yeeeeeeeee?" We had covered the windows!!! And my immediate neighbour, the wife looks like one of the more regressive ustazahs I had in school.
*shudder* God, I hated that ustazah. All the answer she had to my questions of, "Why?" was to fix a stony, dumb stare my way, say, "Sebab Allah dah takdirkan, apa nak buat??", and announce that I would only find eternal damnation for my heretical inquisitiveness. Well, no, she didn't damn me to all hells, but she did at one point, announce to the class that people like me are beyond help and redemption. So much for being an educator of religion. What could a 'teacher' (and I use the term extremely loosely, she didn't teach me shit) like that do to an impressionable young teen? It's people like that who give religion a bad name, and here she was teaching it!
As an adult now, I am horrified. I am afraid my own children will go to school and be taught to be narrow-minded, to have their curiosity squelched, to be taught bullshit like that "ustazah" was trying to unload on us. By God, I hated that woman. And I thank God for people like Ustazah Fatimah and Ustazah Mashitah. Wonderful teachers they were, and wonderfully perspective religious people they were, in a world where a lot of people take religion on face value without bothering to, nay, even wanting to ask, to understand the fundamental purpose and meaning of it all.
Uhm ... back to my house. Yes, I don't like the look of my neighbours - it doesn't help that the kopiah-and-janggut kambing-combo husband never looks my way (his gaze always just slides past me as if I was invisible, I hate that, I always immediately distrust people like that!) - but I won't judge on appearances alone. She could be a wonderful person, they could both be wonderful people, but I'll be wary of them nonetheless. Always better safe than sorry. *wink*
Well, my place is lovely now. Not as complete as I'd have it, but that will be achieved in time. I shall be moving in today. I can't wait. :o)
By the way, am in good spirits this week as I just bought Mac's iBook G4 over the weekend! It's soooo cute! I love my new toy. *G*
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Thursday, August 04, 2005
A Quickie
Sorry all. Things have been extremely hectic of late. Will update properly when I finally get a moment to sit. But here's generally what's been going on:
Started work at Perodua in Rawang on Monday. It's been ... boring, so far. And everyone speaks in abbreviations there. Bahasa apa pulak dia orang cakap nih? I sit at my desk all day trying to decipher and decode everything I hear. EVERYTHING. I expect things will improve, it's only been 3 days, after all. Will update properly later, yeah? Sorry!
As a result of working 70km from home and civilisation, I've had to rent a house in Rawang, or face an appox. 2hrs drive to AND fro every day. I kid you not. I found a place last Monday and have been busy all last week trying to make it habitable. It's almost ready, I expect to move in this weekend.
Will update properly once things have settled down. *gurn* Hugz all around.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Started work at Perodua in Rawang on Monday. It's been ... boring, so far. And everyone speaks in abbreviations there. Bahasa apa pulak dia orang cakap nih? I sit at my desk all day trying to decipher and decode everything I hear. EVERYTHING. I expect things will improve, it's only been 3 days, after all. Will update properly later, yeah? Sorry!
As a result of working 70km from home and civilisation, I've had to rent a house in Rawang, or face an appox. 2hrs drive to AND fro every day. I kid you not. I found a place last Monday and have been busy all last week trying to make it habitable. It's almost ready, I expect to move in this weekend.
Will update properly once things have settled down. *gurn* Hugz all around.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Friday, July 15, 2005
I Have Charisma
So, at my exit interview, I was told that one of my good points, one that will apparently get me far, was that I have "charisma".
"Charisma" with a 'cha', as in char-kuey-teow.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
"Charisma" with a 'cha', as in char-kuey-teow.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Monday, July 11, 2005
A Lady of Leisure .. Briefly
I've quit! I've quit! I've quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt!!!!
*G*
I submitted my notice of resignation last Friday, and will now proceed to while away my last week here with hours of Gamebitz's BubbleBubble! Mua ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!
I will then enjoy my two weeks off before starting as an R&D Engineer with Perodua (yay!) come August. General plans are: go house-hunting (Min cepat balik!), rescue my hunny bunny from tapau lunches, and leeeeeeeeeelax!!
Aaaaah ... the simple life.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
*G*
I submitted my notice of resignation last Friday, and will now proceed to while away my last week here with hours of Gamebitz's BubbleBubble! Mua ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!
I will then enjoy my two weeks off before starting as an R&D Engineer with Perodua (yay!) come August. General plans are: go house-hunting (Min cepat balik!), rescue my hunny bunny from tapau lunches, and leeeeeeeeeelax!!
Aaaaah ... the simple life.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Foolish Dreams?
I've been thinking.
*jejeng*
Lol.
So, I was sitting at my desk, bored out of my skull, alternately working on the fecking MTO whilst playing Minesweeper, and I started thinking, right? I started thinking of the things I used to want, the things I always thought would make me complete, right? Like, the way I felt two years ago when .. *aherrm* .. when I was young(er) and in love with somebody else. And as I thought of the thoughts I used to think when I thought thoughts of what I thought I wanted (eheh), I (as in present, old(er) me) thought to myself and chuckled, "My, wasn't I naive?"
Then I stopped, mid-chuckle. Wait a minute. Why do I, now, think I was naive then?
I suppose being naive is believing in ideals, wanting those ideals and believing those ideals to be real, to be achievable and reasonable, when people who know better know they don't exist in the real world, that they are only the fanciful notions these young whippersnappers get.. Ooooooh, wait til they really grow up, they'll know better.
And it made me wonder, when did I become so jaded?
Were all the things I wished for then really so ridiculous? Were they really nothing but the fanciful ideals of a person only just getting the hang of this 'being an adult' business?
Were they naive because now that I am wiser and know better, I know that they are all things that will most likely never come true?
Or were they naive because they were fanciful ideas impressed upon me by my peers, romance novels, American soaps and teen dramas, which I will unashamedly admit I watched copiously in my teens?
Or do I only believe now that they cannot possibly come true because I've let myself become affected by the cynicism which seems to be the prerequisite for being an 'adult'? Look at all those kids trying to be 'mature', has nobody ever wondered why they are so cynical, so sarcastic, their comments so biting? Undoubtedly, they take it to extremes, even those 8-year-olds nowadays, but has nobody ever wondered where they learn it from? Does nobody ask, "Who are these children emulating?"
So, which is true?
I don't know, but I'm starting to think that, y'know, if all those/these things I want/wanted are good, so what if everyone else thinks I am naive, unrealistic, foolish. Why should I give up trying just because nobody thinks it can be done. I think it can be done, and I will make it happen. I don't see why I should give up a dream just because other people laugh at me. Their derision is not worth the sacrifice of my ideals.
And there may be a reason for all those foolish themes in all those books/dramas/stories I read as a teen; that a lot of other people often wish for the same things too.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
*jejeng*
Lol.
So, I was sitting at my desk, bored out of my skull, alternately working on the fecking MTO whilst playing Minesweeper, and I started thinking, right? I started thinking of the things I used to want, the things I always thought would make me complete, right? Like, the way I felt two years ago when .. *aherrm* .. when I was young(er) and in love with somebody else. And as I thought of the thoughts I used to think when I thought thoughts of what I thought I wanted (eheh), I (as in present, old(er) me) thought to myself and chuckled, "My, wasn't I naive?"
Then I stopped, mid-chuckle. Wait a minute. Why do I, now, think I was naive then?
I suppose being naive is believing in ideals, wanting those ideals and believing those ideals to be real, to be achievable and reasonable, when people who know better know they don't exist in the real world, that they are only the fanciful notions these young whippersnappers get.. Ooooooh, wait til they really grow up, they'll know better.
And it made me wonder, when did I become so jaded?
Were all the things I wished for then really so ridiculous? Were they really nothing but the fanciful ideals of a person only just getting the hang of this 'being an adult' business?
Were they naive because now that I am wiser and know better, I know that they are all things that will most likely never come true?
Or were they naive because they were fanciful ideas impressed upon me by my peers, romance novels, American soaps and teen dramas, which I will unashamedly admit I watched copiously in my teens?
Or do I only believe now that they cannot possibly come true because I've let myself become affected by the cynicism which seems to be the prerequisite for being an 'adult'? Look at all those kids trying to be 'mature', has nobody ever wondered why they are so cynical, so sarcastic, their comments so biting? Undoubtedly, they take it to extremes, even those 8-year-olds nowadays, but has nobody ever wondered where they learn it from? Does nobody ask, "Who are these children emulating?"
So, which is true?
I don't know, but I'm starting to think that, y'know, if all those/these things I want/wanted are good, so what if everyone else thinks I am naive, unrealistic, foolish. Why should I give up trying just because nobody thinks it can be done. I think it can be done, and I will make it happen. I don't see why I should give up a dream just because other people laugh at me. Their derision is not worth the sacrifice of my ideals.
And there may be a reason for all those foolish themes in all those books/dramas/stories I read as a teen; that a lot of other people often wish for the same things too.
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Feeling:
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