Of Things That Go Boo in the Night

Of late, the urge to write in the wee hours of the night has returned. Over the last few nights, the urge has been quite insistent; I must comply.

Resistance is futile.

The quiet nights have not been good to me recently. It doesn't help that I am a late sleeper, most awake and lucid in the hours surrounding midnight; a legacy inherited from my father. Too many thoughts I'd rather not have come unbidden, and unwelcomed. Often, they're set off by the smallest and seemingly most insignificant of things.

I read something on the Internet one day. Something completely geeky and inane, but humourous enough for me to immediately want to share it with somebody. The only person I knew who would've understood and laughed with me was him. Unfortunately, calling him is no longer an option.

The thing I wanted to share with him has long since been forgotten. I can't even remember the gist of it. But the yearning to share things with him again remains.

I miss him still. Sometimes. Often. Mostly when there's something I want to share. Often, it's something so exceedingly geeky or nonsensical, nobody else I know would really get it. He used to thoroughly indulge me my whimsical side. I loved him endlessly for that. I loved him for a lot of things.

I had a really nice day today. I had dinner & coffee with my girls like we hadn't had in a long, long time. It was... it was love.

But much as I enjoyed myself, and much as I love my girls, it didn't help fill this hole in my heart.

I missed him today. I took the long way home from dinner, a long drive around town, one full of memories. I missed him so much.

But I can't help but wonder if it is just having someone to share things with that I really miss, and not the person itself? Some days, that seems so clear. Other days, the two are one and the same.

I wonder if he misses me this way too sometimes. I try not to think about it though, because whether he does or not at all, it still hurts a little too much.

When Best Just Isn't Good Enough

There are times when you feel like such a complete incompetent, and it doesn't matter that people tell you it's okay, because the job was just way over your head anyway, so you shouldn't feel bad about it.

Well, it doesn't feel okay.

It makes you feel such a failure when other people have to be called in to help you do what you were supposed to do.

It makes you wonder if you know what the hell you're doing.

It makes you start to wonder and doubt if you'll be able to live up to even your own expectations, nevermind your boss'.

It makes you feel like you're an idiot moron.

Feeling LUSH-ious!

Have I mentioned my love affair with LUSH? Look at what the BFF brought back for meeeeeeee!!!

*swoon*

The booty:
Fever Massage Bar
Herbalism Facial Cleanser
Heavenly Bodies Buttercream
Flying Fox Shower Gel
Rub Rub Shower Scrub
Mask of Magnaminty
Shimmy Shimmy Sparkle Massage Bar
Free Toner Samplers

Guess who jumped straight into a LUSH-ious shower, nevermind that it was 2am?

Bliss!

Contentment

Contentment is having to be at work up to 10 hours a day, but being happy to hear your boss' voice because it's just soooo mellifluous: rich, smooth and comforting, like the creamiest peanut butter on Earth.

Mmmmmmm....

The Hyenas Laugh

What more are we than meat
And skeletons
Rattling our way
Through this existence?

Aimless.
Empty.
Meaningless.

All of it
Meaningless.

In the distance, hyenas laugh.

Come Back to Me

David Cook is fast becoming my favourite new act, nevermind I have no idea what he looks like.

-----------------
You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you
You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I will wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you... come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left 'em, I'll be here for you.

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't fix you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do.

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you... come back to me
Come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need.
I'll be right here, waiting to see
You find you... come back to me

When you find you...
Come back to me

~David Cook~
Come Back to Me

For You

Trawling through old drafts I found this, dated 04 January 2007.

So much has happened since. So much has changed, and yet, some things never will.

-------------

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how,
or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
So I love you
because I know no other way

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

~Pablo Neruda~
Sonnet XVII, 1960

Vanilla Bean Macarons!

I did it! I made macarons! No, better yet, I successfully made macarons!! That dainty, elusive, skirted delight. That flighty madame of pastries, fickle validation a pâtissier's skill.....

Today, I is Queen of the World.





Unfortunately, the pics of the sandwiched ones didn't come out too nice. Still! I did it!

Note to self: Must get a better camera...

Sometimes

Sometimes, you need to fall really hard to realize that you used to have it good.

Sometimes, you need to go through a lot of shit experiences to know what it was you really took for granted.

And some day, you might just realize what a huge mistake you made.

Or maybe you never will.

Either ways, good luck.

Glycerine

by Bush

It must be your skin I'm sinking in
Must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind, it's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why

Every thing's gone white and every thing's gray
Now you're here, now you're away
I don't want this, remember that
I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by, Glycerine, Glycerine

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
Are you at one or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise, it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad, you bruise my face
Couldn't love you more, you got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier by three
Our old friend 'Fear' and you and me
Glycerine, Glycerine

Don't let the days go by, Glycerine
Don't let the days go by, Glycerine, Glycerine
Glycerine, Glycerine

Bad mood, white again
Bad mood, white again
As she falls around me

I needed you more when we wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear, simple and plain
Well, that's just fine, that's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you, you, you
Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/4015/
http://www.lyricinterpretations.com/lookat.php/bands/bush/fe3ccd8a6976876