2004

If this year was anything, it was a year of events. Personally, anyways. The many, many weddings of friends, close and otherwise; the births of nieces, by family and proxy-families; and to cap off the year, a death.

It may be slightly early for an end-of-the-year recount, but like I said, there's no telling when I'll next be able to log on, and this is as good a time as any anyways. Besides, the muse was visiting.

Two days ago, DrMucho called, saying the mother of a close friend, JC, had suffered a fall and sustained head trauma, and was subsequently diagnosed brain-dead. So we went to see him, to lend moral support, a shoulder to cry on, chauffering services, whatever. He seemed .. collected. Calm. Certainly shaken, but collected. I found his strength in the face of tragedy admirable.

I sat at his mother's bedside for a while, wanting to hold her hand, to offer .. something. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep. The illusion might have been preserved had I not noticed the rise and fall of her chest move in sync with the harsh hiss of the ventilator. For every hiss was a breath sustaining her life. For every drop of dopamine was another pump of the heart, keeping her blood circulating. Without either, without both, she wouldn't be alive.

They were suspending her life - or death - so her daughter could come home from India to say goodbye.

It was terrible. It was so, so terrible. And it shook me badly. How tenuous our hold on life is.

What a way to end the year.

Certainly, this year has seen a full cycle. From marriages, to births, to deaths. More personally, I watched my brother grow up. Both of them. The elder one is now 17. Last week he attended his prom. I remember getting ready for my prom. *chuckles* Remember that, Min? Ben? :o) My little brother is all grown up! And LittleSumo, he's now three. A three-year-old terror, the tyrant who rules our house and hearts.

And I had to watch someone I love infinitely get married. Well, two of em this month, actually. Congrats Lut and Apin. I pray for nothing but the very best for you both. I love you both so very much. If F and J ever make you cry, I swear I'll get Anne and Tina together and we'll break their balls. :o) *hugz*

But I was referring to someone else. It wasn't easy watching Him marry another woman. Oh God, it wasn't easy at all. Yet, it was the right time to let go. About time. Long past due, really. :o)

And maybe it's true when they say there isn't a better way to get over a guy than to get another. Lol. I've always thought that that was a bit like exchanging the poison for a dagger, but .. lol. Maybe there's some truth in it, maybe not. All I know is that I am so grateful MrBurns came into my life. :o)

Never have I met someone who so persistently, so relentlessly, quite so successfully broke through my defences .. and as most will attest, I can be a tough nut to crack, on account of my incredible stubbornness! lolz. But he did, and in the process helped me heal, helped me let go. For the first time in years, I feel happy. At peace. Somewhat. :o)

I'm glad, this instance, he was more stubborn than me. I never thought that could actually be possible! lol! He's in London now, for his convocation ceremony. I miss you, my sweet goldfish. :o)

Enough with the sappiness. I look forward to seeing what 2005 will bring. It looks set to start strong. I look forward to next year.

My New Year's Resolution? I don't make New Year Resolutions. I hate it enough when people put expectations on me, I refuse to do it to myself. But my wish for the new year: to be happy. To have my soul happy and satisfied. To have new beginnings. To have the opportunity and space to make, or break, my own life.

It may be early yet, but here's my wish for you: that the coming year will bring you much joy, much laughter, much peace and fulfilment. It's time to leave the past in the past, and usher in new beginnings. Be well, everyone. May peace be upon you. Have a Happy New Year.

Much Love,
Jas. :O)