A Penny, A Pound.

A .... lot .... has been happening, but as is typical, nothing of monumental significance. Enough to make me think about things, though. Maybe I'll share them later, when I'm feeling more ... articulate, or lucid, because despite having a lot to think about, nothing really seems really important, and I'm not really able to express them well right now anyway.

I'll be leaving for Mekah to perform umrah next week. Will be leaving on Thursday evening, to be exact. I am looking forward to this trip, I have been for a while now. Excited is not the word, Eager might be better. It is an eagerness which almost borders on the verge on urgency. Almost.

At a time of great confusion in my life, I seek answers. I seek clarity. I seek resolution.

I seek to understand the meaning of it all. I'm going with the hope that I might find peace. While I realise, realistically, that a miracle is unlikely to occur while I'm there, I'm hoping to find solace in the only Place I have left to turn to.

This last week saw a .. change, of sorts, in the way I've been looking at things. While much of the same things have been running through my thoughts, I've been viewing them in a very different manner - totally devoid of emotion. Very objective, very impersonal, very clinical. It's very strange. You know how sometimes your eyes skim over the words on a page, and while you're reading the words, you're not really comprehending it? That's what it feels like.

In a place where wishes should not be made lightly, it's as if I'm trying to put my priorities in order - determining what is truly important, what might be frivolous, and which are just plain foolish. I must admit that I had an almost desperate wish to make. Yes, it might have been all for the wrong reasons, but it honestly wasn't my main motivation for making this journey, and it was a desperate desire all the same. Now I wonder, is it really so important? As the saying goes: "Be careful what you wish for. It might just come true."

I'm not a very religious person. I try to be the best person I can be, in all aspects, but I'll be the first to say that I'm not very religious. Yet Faith and Beliefs are something so unseperable from what you are, whether in excess, moderation or lack of it. It cannot be denied, and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps you going.

I don't know. Whatever. I'll not bother you with this mystical-ish mumbo-jumbo. In short, I'm just a girl looking for answers - on a semi-expensive trip. :o) Wish me a safe journey?