Dan ku nyanyikan kau lagu cinta
Seindahnya sinar mentari
Seanggunnya sinar rembulan
Dan ku nyanyikan kau lagu rindu
Karna sesungguhnya hati ini
Masih lagi lemas dalam
Kerinduan
Cintaku
Hampir setiap kalinya
Tak jemu-jemu
Cintaku
Nyanyikan lagu ini
Cintaku
Hampir setiap kalinya
Tak jemu-jemu
Cintaku
Nyanyikan lagu ini
Penawar rindu
Telah ku sebutkan namamu
Dalam doaku setiap harinya
Agar kau kembali
Menenangkan hati dan perasaan
Ini bukan yang pertama kalinya
Cintaku pergi
Hampir setiap kalinya
Tak jemu-jemu
Cintaku
Nyanyikan lagu ini
Penawar rindu.
"Cinta" ~ Flop Poppy
Jadikan lagu ini penawar rindu.
I miss him so much. <:'o(
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Wise Words (Of Warning?) From My Mother
My mother and I talked a few days ago. Not so much heart-to-heart as woman-to-woman, wiser (albeit a bit warped) mother to as-yet-still-tender daughter.
It all started with my mother talking about my sister’s somewhat-former-boyfriend, of whom she disapproves. She doesn’t think that their relationship is a healthy one, and I for one agree with her, but I think my sister needs to learn some things on her own. Truthfully, I like the guy, but that doesn’t mean theirs is a healthy relationship.
Anyway, Mum’s comment got me thinking about another conversation I had, this time with above-mentioned sister. She knows Mum doesn’t approve of her beau, and this once when I was in a nak-taknak relationship and I tried to introduce my guy to her, Mum showed signs of disapproval too, although she never said anything to me directly. I found out later that she believed the guy was after our money. What money? Haha. Thinking about it now, though, I'm certain he sure as hell wasn't in it for my irresistable charms and stunning looks, because those are non-exsistent. Goes to show you really should listen to your mother. What did I see in the guy anyway?
Well, moving on. So the million-dollar question was: What exactly is the procedure for introducing our (prospective) partners to her?
Yes, there most certainly is an undeclared procedure. We are dealing with the woman who insists that none of her (future) menantus call her “Mother” or “Mak”, but “Ma’am”. The woman who says that when she stands, then none of her menantus (or 'meng-hantu's, as she plans to call them) can sit, and that if she sits, none of their heads should be higher than hers. No, that applies at all times, not only when she's sitting. Just be grateful that she is 5”4’ and not 4”10’ like her mother is. You also had to be there to believe me when I say that eventhough she was sort of ha-ha joking, she was actually quite serious about it.
To answer the soalan cepu emas, however:
RULE #1 Do not shock/stun/surprise her. Sister's beau is 6'3" and Her Most Exalted Highness happened to be sitting when he was first introduced to her. Not a good start. He already broke this rule, not to mention ALL the provos mentioned above. On top of all that, he called her “Auntie” *gasp!!!*
RULE #2 He must have impeccable manners.
RULE #3 He must be well-dressed.
RULE #4 He must offer her tea, on his knees, kowtow three times and beg her permission to court her daughter. Actually, I was the one who had to sarcastically add this, and she liked the idea so much that she decided to add it to the other three rules. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut.
The list goes on, but the gist of it is that the first impression matters. A LOT. And what matters almost more is the pre-first impression, that is the impression she gets of him from us.
(More Rules:)
RULE #5 Never lie to her. Also means don’t date him secretly and introduce him only after she suspects you already have a boyfriend. Also means don’t make up unlikely stories just so you can sneak out/steal time to meet him. That’s asking for the death sentence for him with her.
RULE #6 Never make her children cry. No man is worth even the tiniest drop of tears from her children. So if you have to cry, do it very, very quietly so she can’t hear you, and if she does hear you anyway, pretend it’s your allergies acting up. I swear, that woman has the ears of a bat!
RULE #7 He must offer her tea, on his knees, kowtow three times and beg her permission to court her daughter. *G*
Yes, she has a lot of Rules for whole sets of what she deems proper comportment, but it essentially boiled down to this:
1. that he be a good man, with good values, good intentions and a good heart,
2. that he respects you as an individual, and most importantly, as an equal human being,
3. that he never abuses you; physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise,
4. that he is not some insane psycho whose idea of a marriage proposal is threatening to burn down your father’s house if you refuse. Yes, it’s true, I am not kidding.
My mother is also not only unconcerned that at my (what some would consider) advanced age I am still single with no boyfriend, nevermind marriage, in sight, but she actually seems .. relieved. In fact, she all but forbids me to even think about marriage.
Last week, we were at the jewellers, toying with the idea of buying this sumptuous diamond necklace. It was absolutely stunning, with a wreath of flowers and leaves intertwined in a somewhat abstract motif, intimately circling the neck, coming to a beautifully spread rest at the base of the throat. Absolutely exquisite.
Unfortunately, a piece like that needs an Event to do it justice, and we aren’t exactly what you would call socialites. Mum jokingly said that well, just to wear that necklace, we would have to have a wedding! I jokingly replied that well, sigh, I guess I’ll just have to get married now, won’t I? To which she replied, "Kahwin?!! *shudder* Oh no no no no.. Not yet!" And she was dead serious.
It was during this last conversation I had with her that I found out the reason why.
She wants us to meet more people, date different types of men, as many as we can, before we finally decide how we want to settle down, and with whom. She wants us to know all the different types of people, their different personalities, to know what people are truly like before we make that major decision. She wants it so that when we finally make that decision, it will be an informed one. She wants it so that we’ll never regret the decision we made, and even if we do regret it, that we don’t regret it too much. She doesn’t want us to make the same mistakes she did.
There’s a saying that goes, "You learn from the mistake of others, because you won’t live long enough to make them all yourself." I don’t know who said that. I got it from a Domino’s fridge magnet, but as dubious as the source may be, it doesn’t make it any less profound or true.
All my mother was trying to tell me is that she wants to do everything in her power to prevent us from having the same regrets she had.
We’ve always been a close-knit family. We’re very affectionate with each other, and we tell each other ‘I love you’ a lot. For so many years now, we kids have been taught to be adults, to be responsible, to be grown up. Sometimes, when we’re exercising our rights as adults, Mum nags and nags relentlessly, about how we don’t dress well enough, about our staying out late, about talking on the phone so much, and we think, "God, give us a break, Mum! We’re not kids anymore!"
But when she told me how she would protect all her children from unnecessary pain, unnecessary regrets, regardless of whether it’s her daughter or son, I felt something I hadn’t felt in so many years. I felt like her child again. And I realised that despite all the nagging, she really meant every word of it, that she would protect us with her life. I’ve heard it all before, she’s said it so many times, but only then I realised the full meaning of what she was saying. She would give her everything for any one of us, she would give her life for all of us, the way she would for nobody else in the world.
This is what unconditional love is. This is what it truly is.
...
She also told me that even when you’ve made the best decision you can make, it can still turn out to be the wrong one.
And when (if) that happens, you’ll have to either bite the bullet, or you admit your error and try to rectify your mistakes. Either way, you’ll ultimately only have yourself to depend on.
She also passed on to me words of wisdom she learned from her mother:
1. Never depend on a man, no matter how good he is. Learn to be self-reliant.
2. Even if you are married and he makes a million bucks a week, have your own source of income, or be able to because there is no telling when you might need to fall back on it.
3. Always wash your hands before you cook, and make sure the food is always thoroughly cleaned, even if it is not totally fresh. Your food will last for days.
Actually, my grandma taught me the last one. Hey, it's very important, ok? Not everything important is related to relationships! ;o)
You learn something new everyday. The difference lies only in whether you choose to heed it or not.
It all started with my mother talking about my sister’s somewhat-former-boyfriend, of whom she disapproves. She doesn’t think that their relationship is a healthy one, and I for one agree with her, but I think my sister needs to learn some things on her own. Truthfully, I like the guy, but that doesn’t mean theirs is a healthy relationship.
Anyway, Mum’s comment got me thinking about another conversation I had, this time with above-mentioned sister. She knows Mum doesn’t approve of her beau, and this once when I was in a nak-taknak relationship and I tried to introduce my guy to her, Mum showed signs of disapproval too, although she never said anything to me directly. I found out later that she believed the guy was after our money. What money? Haha. Thinking about it now, though, I'm certain he sure as hell wasn't in it for my irresistable charms and stunning looks, because those are non-exsistent. Goes to show you really should listen to your mother. What did I see in the guy anyway?
Well, moving on. So the million-dollar question was: What exactly is the procedure for introducing our (prospective) partners to her?
Yes, there most certainly is an undeclared procedure. We are dealing with the woman who insists that none of her (future) menantus call her “Mother” or “Mak”, but “Ma’am”. The woman who says that when she stands, then none of her menantus (or 'meng-hantu's, as she plans to call them) can sit, and that if she sits, none of their heads should be higher than hers. No, that applies at all times, not only when she's sitting. Just be grateful that she is 5”4’ and not 4”10’ like her mother is. You also had to be there to believe me when I say that eventhough she was sort of ha-ha joking, she was actually quite serious about it.
To answer the soalan cepu emas, however:
RULE #1 Do not shock/stun/surprise her. Sister's beau is 6'3" and Her Most Exalted Highness happened to be sitting when he was first introduced to her. Not a good start. He already broke this rule, not to mention ALL the provos mentioned above. On top of all that, he called her “Auntie” *gasp!!!*
RULE #2 He must have impeccable manners.
RULE #3 He must be well-dressed.
RULE #4 He must offer her tea, on his knees, kowtow three times and beg her permission to court her daughter. Actually, I was the one who had to sarcastically add this, and she liked the idea so much that she decided to add it to the other three rules. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut.
The list goes on, but the gist of it is that the first impression matters. A LOT. And what matters almost more is the pre-first impression, that is the impression she gets of him from us.
(More Rules:)
RULE #5 Never lie to her. Also means don’t date him secretly and introduce him only after she suspects you already have a boyfriend. Also means don’t make up unlikely stories just so you can sneak out/steal time to meet him. That’s asking for the death sentence for him with her.
RULE #6 Never make her children cry. No man is worth even the tiniest drop of tears from her children. So if you have to cry, do it very, very quietly so she can’t hear you, and if she does hear you anyway, pretend it’s your allergies acting up. I swear, that woman has the ears of a bat!
RULE #7 He must offer her tea, on his knees, kowtow three times and beg her permission to court her daughter. *G*
Yes, she has a lot of Rules for whole sets of what she deems proper comportment, but it essentially boiled down to this:
1. that he be a good man, with good values, good intentions and a good heart,
2. that he respects you as an individual, and most importantly, as an equal human being,
3. that he never abuses you; physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise,
4. that he is not some insane psycho whose idea of a marriage proposal is threatening to burn down your father’s house if you refuse. Yes, it’s true, I am not kidding.
My mother is also not only unconcerned that at my (what some would consider) advanced age I am still single with no boyfriend, nevermind marriage, in sight, but she actually seems .. relieved. In fact, she all but forbids me to even think about marriage.
Last week, we were at the jewellers, toying with the idea of buying this sumptuous diamond necklace. It was absolutely stunning, with a wreath of flowers and leaves intertwined in a somewhat abstract motif, intimately circling the neck, coming to a beautifully spread rest at the base of the throat. Absolutely exquisite.
Unfortunately, a piece like that needs an Event to do it justice, and we aren’t exactly what you would call socialites. Mum jokingly said that well, just to wear that necklace, we would have to have a wedding! I jokingly replied that well, sigh, I guess I’ll just have to get married now, won’t I? To which she replied, "Kahwin?!! *shudder* Oh no no no no.. Not yet!" And she was dead serious.
It was during this last conversation I had with her that I found out the reason why.
She wants us to meet more people, date different types of men, as many as we can, before we finally decide how we want to settle down, and with whom. She wants us to know all the different types of people, their different personalities, to know what people are truly like before we make that major decision. She wants it so that when we finally make that decision, it will be an informed one. She wants it so that we’ll never regret the decision we made, and even if we do regret it, that we don’t regret it too much. She doesn’t want us to make the same mistakes she did.
There’s a saying that goes, "You learn from the mistake of others, because you won’t live long enough to make them all yourself." I don’t know who said that. I got it from a Domino’s fridge magnet, but as dubious as the source may be, it doesn’t make it any less profound or true.
All my mother was trying to tell me is that she wants to do everything in her power to prevent us from having the same regrets she had.
We’ve always been a close-knit family. We’re very affectionate with each other, and we tell each other ‘I love you’ a lot. For so many years now, we kids have been taught to be adults, to be responsible, to be grown up. Sometimes, when we’re exercising our rights as adults, Mum nags and nags relentlessly, about how we don’t dress well enough, about our staying out late, about talking on the phone so much, and we think, "God, give us a break, Mum! We’re not kids anymore!"
But when she told me how she would protect all her children from unnecessary pain, unnecessary regrets, regardless of whether it’s her daughter or son, I felt something I hadn’t felt in so many years. I felt like her child again. And I realised that despite all the nagging, she really meant every word of it, that she would protect us with her life. I’ve heard it all before, she’s said it so many times, but only then I realised the full meaning of what she was saying. She would give her everything for any one of us, she would give her life for all of us, the way she would for nobody else in the world.
This is what unconditional love is. This is what it truly is.
...
She also told me that even when you’ve made the best decision you can make, it can still turn out to be the wrong one.
And when (if) that happens, you’ll have to either bite the bullet, or you admit your error and try to rectify your mistakes. Either way, you’ll ultimately only have yourself to depend on.
She also passed on to me words of wisdom she learned from her mother:
1. Never depend on a man, no matter how good he is. Learn to be self-reliant.
2. Even if you are married and he makes a million bucks a week, have your own source of income, or be able to because there is no telling when you might need to fall back on it.
3. Always wash your hands before you cook, and make sure the food is always thoroughly cleaned, even if it is not totally fresh. Your food will last for days.
Actually, my grandma taught me the last one. Hey, it's very important, ok? Not everything important is related to relationships! ;o)
You learn something new everyday. The difference lies only in whether you choose to heed it or not.
Friday, November 05, 2004
I've Got Prostitutes In My Room ...
... flowers, that it. *smirk* My room smells lover-ly! *twirls*
What I learned today: If you're feeling suicidal, do NOT listen to Neon Ballroom by Silverchair. It's just the thing to push you over the edge. Literally.
Not to say I don't like the album, I think it's a great album, but it's extreeeeemely depressing! <:o(
Also, not to say I'm feeling suicidal, but just take my word on this. Do NOT listen to this album if you're going through a breakup/depression/pet dieded, etc. You'll go nutters.
On the other hand, Gutterflower by the Goo Goo Dolls is a great pick-me-up. Then again, I might just be biased. ;o)
What I learned today: If you're feeling suicidal, do NOT listen to Neon Ballroom by Silverchair. It's just the thing to push you over the edge. Literally.
Not to say I don't like the album, I think it's a great album, but it's extreeeeemely depressing! <:o(
Also, not to say I'm feeling suicidal, but just take my word on this. Do NOT listen to this album if you're going through a breakup/depression/pet dieded, etc. You'll go nutters.
On the other hand, Gutterflower by the Goo Goo Dolls is a great pick-me-up. Then again, I might just be biased. ;o)
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Leaving The Past Where It Belongs
So, here we are again. It's been a long time since the last post, huh? Two main reasons: no inspiration, but most pertinently, no Internet connection at home! *Sob!* The house is getting a major face-lift, and I think a workman tripped over the phone cable (which runs over the roof) to my streamyx. Then the other line got its service temporarily disconnected because the bill wasn't paid. No Internet! Really can sei lor... Fortunately, we went to pay the bill today. Hooray! Streamyx still down, tho. Boo!
Oh, before I forget, a belated Happy Birthday, Ben, my love! I didn't forget, sweetheart! May you be Blessed with the best life has to offer, dearest, and find much joy within. I love ya, Bennie! *G*
And speaking of Bern, I was watching this mini-series on HBO earlier: Carnivale. It was on at about 10:30pm, and I think it was the fifth episode. Must look for the others. It's dark, reaaaaaally dark, but sooo good! *shivers* I watched the first half of it in utter confusion, and the ending totally stunned the hell out of me. My God, was it dark! And that, of course, brought comparisons to Poe, which, natually, led to our MzFernz. Gosh, how I miss you, Ben!
~@~@~@~@~@~
I had a Conversation today. Yes, a Conversation. No, a Conversation. Nods head, for emphasis.
Anyway, it made me realise a few things, and it brought a measure of closure to an issue that has haunted me persistently throughout the last two years, or so. And it was .. liberating. It hurt like hell, it did, but this time, it was a good kind of hurt; one that you know will only accelerate the healing.
Sometimes you cling onto things because .. hell, I don't really know why. I suppose you're afraid of losing it, because you're afraid you'll never again find something quite like it, ever. Even if it's bad, you cling to it because even if it's bad, at least you still have it. Despite all indications, all logical and rational thought, all portents and signs otherwise, and against all well-meaning advice, you're afraid to go without it again, not when it's something you've always wanted, asked for, prayed for. Something you've always dreamed about, something you never thought could possibly exist. It's hard to give up a fantasy come real.
Then, one fine day, you realise just how stupid you've been, chasing after something that really isn't yours to hang on to. And you realise just how ridiculous the whole situation has been, how futile your persistence was as you realise that this was simply something Destiny hadn't cast as your lot. And when you're able to wake up one day, and laugh at your own stupidity, then can the healing begin.
It still hurts to let go, it truly does; partly because you're still so afraid, and partly because you've been at it for so long, and everyone knows how hard it is to break a habit. But hard as it might be, painful as it might initially be, you no longer think it'll kill you. And the fear is still there, only it's no longer all-consuming, tying you down.
This might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it is to me. I feel .. liberated, and it feels wonderful.
This is a time of great introspection for me. Therefore, as usual, my phone will be switched off, indefinitely. To You, I'm so sorry, I really am, but this is something I need to do, for a while. You know who you are, dear. I really am sorry, I'll make it up to you somehow. I just need this time alone for me. Don't be too upset with me.
The world looks beautiful right now, and I feel wonderful.
p.s. MrBurns, yup, my email account has deleted the posts you sent. I really would love to read them, and I would appreciate it greatly if you would resend 'em, please? Thanks a gajillion, pip. :o)
Oh, before I forget, a belated Happy Birthday, Ben, my love! I didn't forget, sweetheart! May you be Blessed with the best life has to offer, dearest, and find much joy within. I love ya, Bennie! *G*
And speaking of Bern, I was watching this mini-series on HBO earlier: Carnivale. It was on at about 10:30pm, and I think it was the fifth episode. Must look for the others. It's dark, reaaaaaally dark, but sooo good! *shivers* I watched the first half of it in utter confusion, and the ending totally stunned the hell out of me. My God, was it dark! And that, of course, brought comparisons to Poe, which, natually, led to our MzFernz. Gosh, how I miss you, Ben!
~@~@~@~@~@~
I had a Conversation today. Yes, a Conversation. No, a Conversation. Nods head, for emphasis.
Anyway, it made me realise a few things, and it brought a measure of closure to an issue that has haunted me persistently throughout the last two years, or so. And it was .. liberating. It hurt like hell, it did, but this time, it was a good kind of hurt; one that you know will only accelerate the healing.
Sometimes you cling onto things because .. hell, I don't really know why. I suppose you're afraid of losing it, because you're afraid you'll never again find something quite like it, ever. Even if it's bad, you cling to it because even if it's bad, at least you still have it. Despite all indications, all logical and rational thought, all portents and signs otherwise, and against all well-meaning advice, you're afraid to go without it again, not when it's something you've always wanted, asked for, prayed for. Something you've always dreamed about, something you never thought could possibly exist. It's hard to give up a fantasy come real.
Then, one fine day, you realise just how stupid you've been, chasing after something that really isn't yours to hang on to. And you realise just how ridiculous the whole situation has been, how futile your persistence was as you realise that this was simply something Destiny hadn't cast as your lot. And when you're able to wake up one day, and laugh at your own stupidity, then can the healing begin.
It still hurts to let go, it truly does; partly because you're still so afraid, and partly because you've been at it for so long, and everyone knows how hard it is to break a habit. But hard as it might be, painful as it might initially be, you no longer think it'll kill you. And the fear is still there, only it's no longer all-consuming, tying you down.
This might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it is to me. I feel .. liberated, and it feels wonderful.
This is a time of great introspection for me. Therefore, as usual, my phone will be switched off, indefinitely. To You, I'm so sorry, I really am, but this is something I need to do, for a while. You know who you are, dear. I really am sorry, I'll make it up to you somehow. I just need this time alone for me. Don't be too upset with me.
The world looks beautiful right now, and I feel wonderful.
p.s. MrBurns, yup, my email account has deleted the posts you sent. I really would love to read them, and I would appreciate it greatly if you would resend 'em, please? Thanks a gajillion, pip. :o)
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Tomorrow, It's Only A Day Away
Insomnia is an old friend. I haven't seen her in a while, but she's on an extended visit this time around. I been able to catch not a wink of sleep in 36 hours, and I'm weary.
I guess that the word for it: weary. I've had a lot of things running through my mind, and I wish I could make them stop.
I wish I could start things anew. I wish I could leave the baggage of yesterday behind and instead embrace the promises of tomorrow. I wish I could drop the weight of yesterday's ghosts.
But you can't, can you?
Sometimes you're just so overwhelmed, it overcomes everything else so absolutely, and you're left wondering, "What now?"
If wishes were horses, I would have a Jaguar.
I guess that the word for it: weary. I've had a lot of things running through my mind, and I wish I could make them stop.
I wish I could start things anew. I wish I could leave the baggage of yesterday behind and instead embrace the promises of tomorrow. I wish I could drop the weight of yesterday's ghosts.
But you can't, can you?
Sometimes you're just so overwhelmed, it overcomes everything else so absolutely, and you're left wondering, "What now?"
If wishes were horses, I would have a Jaguar.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Happy Birthday Nadyn!
Nadyn was born today, 23rd October 2004! The next generation of GirlyGirls has begun!
Went to visit the radiant new mother, and the .. father. There is no adjective for MrNads, he is an adjective unto himself. lol. I mean it in a good waaaaay!!! :o)
I don't know how or where to even begin to describe how I felt, it was a wealth of emotions. I felt .. awe. Wonder. Joy, excitement .. and absolute, unadulterated fear. Amazement, total admiration for MrsNads and MrNads. Happiness. Envy for their happiness. But above all, true joy for their family. It was .. overwhelming. Needless to say, I hot-footed it out of there before the bawling started. Nasib baik a certain someone wasn't there, otherwise it would be the Great Flood all over again. :o) Sorry, for the teasing, luv.
Congratulations to the new parents. May your joy be everlasting and the blessings be in abundance. God Bless!
Sunday, October 17, 2004
A Terrible Pang of Nostalgia
For those who don't already know, I worked in a steel mill once. I know the word 'mill' tends to evoke images of grainary mills, or lesung batus, but no, this is a plant where scrap steel and iron ore were melted down at one end and steel bars came out at the other end.
It was hot, dirty, grimy, sweaty, long, hard hours of totally hands-on work. Work began the moment you stepped into the plant, and ended only when the job was completed. Sometimes that meant going home in a near zombie-like state at 10pm. I climbed up 60 foot catwalks, crawled into furnace crevices, wedged myself against walls to get closer to hydraulic cylinders, and frequently spent hours dissembling and overhauling air motors and pumps.
If I had a manicurist, she would have dropped dead of horror at the sight of my nails. Make-up was a luxury reserved for Fridays, the only day I had off, since technical staff work six full days a week. The six days I worked, I forewent Bobby Brown's Sheer Matte Pressed Powder in Sand for a heavy dusting of furnace/steel dust, which was oh-so strikingly set off by a generous rougeing of diesel oil and grease.
The potential dilemma of choosing something to wear each morning was totally non-existent. Six days a week, I wore baggy overalls and clunky steel-toe-capped safety boots. Second hand. Accesories were a safety helmet, face mask and workmen (or in this cawe, workwomen) gloves. Hair was another non-issue. Styling it was totally out of the question due to stay-factor. It always knotted into a servicable braid. My face and hands were perpetually streaked or covered in grease and/or black oil, as were my clothes. You can forget about trying to wash the grease out of your overalls, because baby, they're there to stay. At least until your overalls disintegrated.
However, seeing as how I was ONE female out of almost 500 men working in the plant (that place has an approximately 8:1 male:female ratio!), I refused to allow my feminity to be totally overwhelmed. The uniform and the safety gear was absolutely necessary, but I would almost defiantly put on the lipstick (budge-proof!) every morning, and painted my white safety hat with pretty flowers and butterflies. Erm .. the flowers and the butterflies were also a sort of insurance against helmet theft. I had lost three helmets prior to my last one. After the artwork, it never got nicked again ... ;o)
The work was tough. Dirty, grimy, sweaty and the long hours were sometimes overwhelming, not to mention demanding. Everyone expected you to give 110% all the time. If you had a job to do, you finished it. If you haven't, then you stay till you do.
By the way, did I mention I only worked for 10 weeks to fulfil my university's Industrial Training requirement? That's right. All that was expected from a trainee!
But I loved every moment of it. Every single sweaty moment, every single minute I worked. I loved it even when, as the lowly trainee, I was given the filthy task of emptying the tank of hydraulic oil and was drenched head-to-toe - with hydraulic oil! It took me two hours and 2 bottles of shampoo to get myself satisfactorily clean. I loved being in the furnace control room, 20 metres from the flaming, 1500oC furnace.
Perwaja Steel has received - and still is receiving! - a lot of bad rep. Management-wise, I say they deserve it. From a technical point of view, however, I don't believe I could find a better place than that to work in. Never before have I come across - or even heard of - a place with better work ethics than Perwaja. Almost everyone is just so responsible for themselves, that the place almost runs itself! If you had a job to do, then by Jove, you did it. Tea break ends at 3.30pm, and whoops! It's 3.25! Time to get back to work! I was fortunate enough to have the freedom of moving around the different departments as I pleased, which resulted in my getting to know my way around the Mechanical Services department pretty well, and at almost every sector I noticed that not only the managers, but even the lowest technicians themselves were self-responsible. I found the level of work-integrity astounding.
Truly, there is no way one can go to this plant, see the way it works and still come away with the perception that this efficient, productive plant is an ailing company unable to cover it's own expenses, not to mention not generate a profit. As with the last owners, it's a management issue. *Sigh* People will never learn.
But beyond everything else, I loved the people there the most. Yes, for their integrity, but also for their open-naturedness, the way they take you in and care for you as one of their own, the open camaraderie, most especially for the way that everyone there seems to be family. I can't drive in the streets 100 metres before I get honked at - not in ire, but in greeting.
I went there dreading the fact that I would have to survive 10 weeks not only in the farther reaches of civiliation (read: KL), but also that I would have to put up with kampung people. How wrong I was!
Chukai in Kemaman is a little town, only a 15-minute drive across including traffic light stops! Anonymity is only an option for those passing-through. Everyone knows everyone else. Even if they don't know you personally, they've definitely seen you at least 5 times before. It doesn't even get to 6 degrees-of-separation. If you know even just 2 locals, hey! You're most likely already connected to everyone else in town! Never more truly have I come across a more perfect place to put to the phrase, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name." Heck, they probably know even your grandmother's name!
Small-town folks are greatly under-rated, at least in Kemaman they are, anyway. Another thing which so endeared them to me was their sincerity. City folk are of a much harder, flinty nature. I loved the laid-backness of the people of Kemaman, their lack of subterfuge and snideness we city-folk possess. They are not so petty, and so very much more trusting. Imagine leaving your car idling out front while you go in to buy a pack of cigarettes and hey! Your friend is here, a little chat would be in good order. It had my city-bred-wariness clanging in high alarm the first time I came across it! Aiyo! Until I left, I never completely got over the nervousness.
It was only 10 weeks, yet this experience has been indelibly etched in my soul. A healthy place to work, a wonderful place to live. Perwaja is a bloody playground for engineers; every working engineer's wet dream! And Kemaman is a wholesome place to live. Also, it's not so the back-and-beyond as one might think. It's only a 30-minute scenic drive to Kuantan. Heck, it sometimes takes me longer than that to get to KLCC! Oh! And a fabulous plus point is that it's only a 10-minute drive to beautiful, beautiful Cherating! *glee!*
I learned so many lessons in those 10 short weeks: lessons in business, management, and in engineering. Lessons on how to live, and hard lessons of love. I made so many honest friends there, people who have remained real and true despite the separation of distance and time. Kemaman has forever staked it's claim in my heart. It was, without question, the best 10 weeks of my life.
It was hot, dirty, grimy, sweaty, long, hard hours of totally hands-on work. Work began the moment you stepped into the plant, and ended only when the job was completed. Sometimes that meant going home in a near zombie-like state at 10pm. I climbed up 60 foot catwalks, crawled into furnace crevices, wedged myself against walls to get closer to hydraulic cylinders, and frequently spent hours dissembling and overhauling air motors and pumps.
If I had a manicurist, she would have dropped dead of horror at the sight of my nails. Make-up was a luxury reserved for Fridays, the only day I had off, since technical staff work six full days a week. The six days I worked, I forewent Bobby Brown's Sheer Matte Pressed Powder in Sand for a heavy dusting of furnace/steel dust, which was oh-so strikingly set off by a generous rougeing of diesel oil and grease.
The potential dilemma of choosing something to wear each morning was totally non-existent. Six days a week, I wore baggy overalls and clunky steel-toe-capped safety boots. Second hand. Accesories were a safety helmet, face mask and workmen (or in this cawe, workwomen) gloves. Hair was another non-issue. Styling it was totally out of the question due to stay-factor. It always knotted into a servicable braid. My face and hands were perpetually streaked or covered in grease and/or black oil, as were my clothes. You can forget about trying to wash the grease out of your overalls, because baby, they're there to stay. At least until your overalls disintegrated.
However, seeing as how I was ONE female out of almost 500 men working in the plant (that place has an approximately 8:1 male:female ratio!), I refused to allow my feminity to be totally overwhelmed. The uniform and the safety gear was absolutely necessary, but I would almost defiantly put on the lipstick (budge-proof!) every morning, and painted my white safety hat with pretty flowers and butterflies. Erm .. the flowers and the butterflies were also a sort of insurance against helmet theft. I had lost three helmets prior to my last one. After the artwork, it never got nicked again ... ;o)
The work was tough. Dirty, grimy, sweaty and the long hours were sometimes overwhelming, not to mention demanding. Everyone expected you to give 110% all the time. If you had a job to do, you finished it. If you haven't, then you stay till you do.
By the way, did I mention I only worked for 10 weeks to fulfil my university's Industrial Training requirement? That's right. All that was expected from a trainee!
But I loved every moment of it. Every single sweaty moment, every single minute I worked. I loved it even when, as the lowly trainee, I was given the filthy task of emptying the tank of hydraulic oil and was drenched head-to-toe - with hydraulic oil! It took me two hours and 2 bottles of shampoo to get myself satisfactorily clean. I loved being in the furnace control room, 20 metres from the flaming, 1500oC furnace.
Perwaja Steel has received - and still is receiving! - a lot of bad rep. Management-wise, I say they deserve it. From a technical point of view, however, I don't believe I could find a better place than that to work in. Never before have I come across - or even heard of - a place with better work ethics than Perwaja. Almost everyone is just so responsible for themselves, that the place almost runs itself! If you had a job to do, then by Jove, you did it. Tea break ends at 3.30pm, and whoops! It's 3.25! Time to get back to work! I was fortunate enough to have the freedom of moving around the different departments as I pleased, which resulted in my getting to know my way around the Mechanical Services department pretty well, and at almost every sector I noticed that not only the managers, but even the lowest technicians themselves were self-responsible. I found the level of work-integrity astounding.
Truly, there is no way one can go to this plant, see the way it works and still come away with the perception that this efficient, productive plant is an ailing company unable to cover it's own expenses, not to mention not generate a profit. As with the last owners, it's a management issue. *Sigh* People will never learn.
But beyond everything else, I loved the people there the most. Yes, for their integrity, but also for their open-naturedness, the way they take you in and care for you as one of their own, the open camaraderie, most especially for the way that everyone there seems to be family. I can't drive in the streets 100 metres before I get honked at - not in ire, but in greeting.
I went there dreading the fact that I would have to survive 10 weeks not only in the farther reaches of civiliation (read: KL), but also that I would have to put up with kampung people. How wrong I was!
Chukai in Kemaman is a little town, only a 15-minute drive across including traffic light stops! Anonymity is only an option for those passing-through. Everyone knows everyone else. Even if they don't know you personally, they've definitely seen you at least 5 times before. It doesn't even get to 6 degrees-of-separation. If you know even just 2 locals, hey! You're most likely already connected to everyone else in town! Never more truly have I come across a more perfect place to put to the phrase, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name." Heck, they probably know even your grandmother's name!
Small-town folks are greatly under-rated, at least in Kemaman they are, anyway. Another thing which so endeared them to me was their sincerity. City folk are of a much harder, flinty nature. I loved the laid-backness of the people of Kemaman, their lack of subterfuge and snideness we city-folk possess. They are not so petty, and so very much more trusting. Imagine leaving your car idling out front while you go in to buy a pack of cigarettes and hey! Your friend is here, a little chat would be in good order. It had my city-bred-wariness clanging in high alarm the first time I came across it! Aiyo! Until I left, I never completely got over the nervousness.
It was only 10 weeks, yet this experience has been indelibly etched in my soul. A healthy place to work, a wonderful place to live. Perwaja is a bloody playground for engineers; every working engineer's wet dream! And Kemaman is a wholesome place to live. Also, it's not so the back-and-beyond as one might think. It's only a 30-minute scenic drive to Kuantan. Heck, it sometimes takes me longer than that to get to KLCC! Oh! And a fabulous plus point is that it's only a 10-minute drive to beautiful, beautiful Cherating! *glee!*
I learned so many lessons in those 10 short weeks: lessons in business, management, and in engineering. Lessons on how to live, and hard lessons of love. I made so many honest friends there, people who have remained real and true despite the separation of distance and time. Kemaman has forever staked it's claim in my heart. It was, without question, the best 10 weeks of my life.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Extreme Randomness
Having to revert to dial-up connection really sucks after the wonders of broadband. *Sob!* The things you take for granted! Hopefully, this will not be permanent.
For some reason, I really miss walking around Singapore. Boycott Singapore!!!!!!! Seriously though, they've got an unbeatable public transport system. Lovely. Boycott Singapooooooore!!!!!!
Haha! This made me laugh so hard today. I hope it made you laugh too. *G*
Am currently going through a carrot cake addiction phase. With cream cheese icing. LOTS of it. Yum. As a result, went on a cake-baking frenzy. Am now stuck with carrot-cake muffins (with cream cheese icing!), a chocolate cake, an apple cake (with cream cheese icing!) and a loaf of pound cake and banana cake each.
Selamat menyambut Ramadhan, y'all!
p.s. Ann's brother is in the ICU with demam denggi berdarah. If you could spare a doa or two for his safe recovery, please? Thanks, all. God bless.
For some reason, I really miss walking around Singapore. Boycott Singapore!!!!!!! Seriously though, they've got an unbeatable public transport system. Lovely. Boycott Singapooooooore!!!!!!
Haha! This made me laugh so hard today. I hope it made you laugh too. *G*
Am currently going through a carrot cake addiction phase. With cream cheese icing. LOTS of it. Yum. As a result, went on a cake-baking frenzy. Am now stuck with carrot-cake muffins (with cream cheese icing!), a chocolate cake, an apple cake (with cream cheese icing!) and a loaf of pound cake and banana cake each.
Selamat menyambut Ramadhan, y'all!
p.s. Ann's brother is in the ICU with demam denggi berdarah. If you could spare a doa or two for his safe recovery, please? Thanks, all. God bless.
Friday, October 15, 2004
The Most Kesian Song Ever
My, my. Is this place depressing, or is it just me? Wait a minute, this place is me.
:o)
This is the most kesian song I've ever come across. It's got one of the cheeriest tunes I've ever heard, but the lyrics .. aiyo! Kesian! As soon as I hear the intro, I break out in a smile, no matter the mood I'm in. It's one of those songs you'll have to hear for yourself, I suppose. Enjoy!
~ This lighthearted moment was brought to you by Coke and Lindt ~ There IS such a thing as too much sugar! ~
She Hates Me
~Puddle of Mudd~
Met a girl, thought she was grand.
Fell in love, found out first hand.
Went well for a week or two,
Then it all came unglued.
In a trapped trip I can't grip,
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip,
Then I started to realise
I was living one big lie
She fucking hates me.
Trust!
She fucking hates me.
la la la laaa!
I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings like I had none
And ripped them away!
She was Queen for about an hour,
After that shit got sour.
She took all I ever had
No sign of guilt,
No feeling of bad, no!
That's my story, as you see
Learned my lesson and so did she.
Now it's over and I'm glad
'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said
She fucking hates me.
Trust!
She fucking hates me.
la la la laaa!
I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings like I had none
She fucking hates me!
p.s:
Ins, will take you up on yoga offer, after I've:
1. bought yoga mat, which I can only afford after I've:
1.1. paid off my Maton 12-string acoustic guitar, which, insyaAllah, will be after the next paycheck. Yippie! Guitar baru! I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms ... *sigh*
:o)
This is the most kesian song I've ever come across. It's got one of the cheeriest tunes I've ever heard, but the lyrics .. aiyo! Kesian! As soon as I hear the intro, I break out in a smile, no matter the mood I'm in. It's one of those songs you'll have to hear for yourself, I suppose. Enjoy!
~ This lighthearted moment was brought to you by Coke and Lindt ~ There IS such a thing as too much sugar! ~
She Hates Me
~Puddle of Mudd~
Met a girl, thought she was grand.
Fell in love, found out first hand.
Went well for a week or two,
Then it all came unglued.
In a trapped trip I can't grip,
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip,
Then I started to realise
I was living one big lie
She fucking hates me.
Trust!
She fucking hates me.
la la la laaa!
I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings like I had none
And ripped them away!
She was Queen for about an hour,
After that shit got sour.
She took all I ever had
No sign of guilt,
No feeling of bad, no!
That's my story, as you see
Learned my lesson and so did she.
Now it's over and I'm glad
'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said
She fucking hates me.
Trust!
She fucking hates me.
la la la laaa!
I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings like I had none
She fucking hates me!
p.s:
Ins, will take you up on yoga offer, after I've:
1. bought yoga mat, which I can only afford after I've:
1.1. paid off my Maton 12-string acoustic guitar, which, insyaAllah, will be after the next paycheck. Yippie! Guitar baru! I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms ... *sigh*
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Love
Is there anything more irrational in this world? Politics, maybe, but it still doesn't beat love.
Love. People are willing to travel to the ends of the world to find it.
What for?
I've been in love. Just twice. The real thing, mind you, not some 2-month infatuation. I don't fall in love so easily. But believe you me, it hasn't done me any favours.
Nevertheless, I came across this today, and while I feel totally drained over the subject, for some reason, this has given me a little bittersweet faith that maybe love might one day turn out to be not so bad, after all:
Love. People are willing to travel to the ends of the world to find it.
What for?
I've been in love. Just twice. The real thing, mind you, not some 2-month infatuation. I don't fall in love so easily. But believe you me, it hasn't done me any favours.
Nevertheless, I came across this today, and while I feel totally drained over the subject, for some reason, this has given me a little bittersweet faith that maybe love might one day turn out to be not so bad, after all:
" You young kids out there. Fall in love. Fall in love.
All of us should have:
A first love
The first everything
The bad boy/older woman/younger men and women
A partner who breaks our heart
Someone you can never have
And someone who loves you for who you are, and will never betray you, will never cheat or lie to you. Someone who'll be there for the rest of your lives. "
~ "Do You Remember", The Gongkapas Times by Dina Zaman
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