Cehck Tihs Out!

So arpaeptnly trehe was tihs raesecrh at Cmabgrdie Uinervtisy on the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. It semes taht it deonst mtaetr waht oredr the ltteers of a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteers be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you wlil sitll be albe to raed it wouthit a porbelm. Arpaeptnly tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fciansniatg. Asboultley ficasnntiag... I wolud wirte a wlohe psot tihs way, but its too tmie csonumnig .. ;o)


~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

A Random Rant on the Subject of Bellies

Y'know what?

I think all women, even the skinniest (especially the skinniest!), should have bellies. Okay, I'm not talking about hanging-over-the-belt type guts (guilty as charged), but small, slight ones.

I think there are few things more alluring and endearing than the soft curve of a belly on a woman. Which is why I find the mannequins at Escada KLCC so adorable. ;o)

Aiyah! All women look at - and appreciate! - bodies of other women! Get over it!

Really. I think it makes women look .. softer. Vulnerable, in a non-pushover way. Nurturing. Ethereal in a Botticelli's Venus way. Cute.

Natural.

Seriously, angular women freak the hell out of me. Oh, I won't deny I've looked at them pair of thin thighs and wished I could fit into those skinny pants, but the sight of them jutting pelvic bones with the skin just straaaaaaaaining to cover them more or less puts me off. And collarbones which threaten to put my eyes out, they're a rant post unto themselves.

Models. I just don't think it's natural. I'm sorry, but models scare me. But whenever I come across one, I find myself unable to pull my eyes away. They're fascinating in the way major car accidents and six-legged goats are fascinating. It's almost impossible to look away. Whoever first dubbed them clothes-hangers were not kidding. And if they were those lovely padded hangers which come with little ribbons it wouldn't be so bad. No, they're definitely those bare-wire hangers which leave irritating 'bumps' on the shoulders of your favourite blouse.

Eeeeee.

Give me a beautiful, small, soft belly any day.


~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

The Simplest Things

I used to think I knew what I wanted. I suppose I still kind of do, but is it everything I need?

I want a nice, huge house. I want to have my own jet so I can fly to Switzerland should I fancy. I want a jacuzzi in my backyard. I want a humongous library, crammed chock-full with books. But do I really need any of it?

But it'd be silly comparing deep-seated desires to material ones. Nevertheless, the premise remains: do I really need everything I want?

And do I know what it is I really need?

Most times I think I don't. I'm just beginning to realise how much I don't. And only when it hits you like a face-first belly-flop off a 5-foot springboard into the pool do you realise how much you've been needing it. And by the time you realise it, just pray and be grateful it is not too late.

You take so many things for granted when you think what you want is what you need.


"
DANTE: Veronica.

JAY: Is she that girl who's down here all the time? She came here today carrying a plate of food.

DANTE: Lasagne.

JAY: And what - you were gonna dump her to date that Caitlin chick?

DANTE: Maybe.

JAY: I don't know dude. That Caitlin chick's nice. But I see that Veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back...Didn't I see her change your tire one day?

DANTE: I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on.

JAY: Damn. She sure goes out of her way.

DANTE: She's my girlfriend.

JAY: I've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. My grandma used to say, "Which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..." No, wait. I fucked up. She said "What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?"

DANTE: Meaning?

JAY: I don't know. She was senile and shit. Used to piss herself all the time. C'mon Silent Bob.

(pause)

SILENT BOB: You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagne at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
"
~Clerks~

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

Happiness Is...

Y'know what?

I am happy. So happy.

Things aren't perfect, but I am happy.

What a wonderful difference just one person makes.

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

Guess Who's Moving On?!!

So I went for the interview, almost peed in my pants and talked back to the person who had the final say .. and I landed myself a job! :o)

Oooooh .. my first 'real' job! I've been working with mummy dearest and uncle(s) since I got out, and although I suppose I did actually work, it really didn't feel like it. There was no sense of accomplishment, no sense of real achievement, and it was wholely unfulfilling. It may have been due to the fact that privately, I thought it was a sort of copping-out, but whatever it was, it made me feel .. useless. Under-achieved. Under-utilised. Stagnant.

Stifled.

And so this is the beginning of (finally!) being able to cut them apron strings. Yes, the ones I have been straining against for so many years, but have been unable to sever due to financial dependency.

And I'll finally be able to discover what I'm really capable of, to test my limits, see just how good I really can be, to prove myself. Not to just anyone, but to me.

I don't know how people can be satisfied with dead-end jobs. Jobs that don't challenge you, repetitive jobs, no-brainer jobs. I couldn't stand to be stifled like that, I would wither and die.

.. Which probably automatically puts me out of the running for the "Most Loyal Employee" Award, but hey, some things are more important than getting a cushy pension package. Like being happy and satisfied with something you'll have to do day in, day out, minimum 5 days a week for approximately the next thirty years, for instance. It is a VERY lucky person who's able to love her job and be paid well for it at the same time, but I think it's lucky just to love your job, period. Alls I's knows is I think no matter the size of the paycheck, nothing could be worse than waking up in the wee hours of the morning and feel nothing but loathing at the beginning of the day. Things can only get worse from there.

.. Unless, of course, you won the lottery.

.. Maybe. ;o)

So I got myself a job, all by myself. I don't know if I'll like it, but it's somewhere to start.

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

Oh, Solitude!

Solitude is a necessary thing. In small doses. I suppose.

I barricaded myself in my room. Nobody bothered me all day. I only just went down to get something to eat, now that everyone is asleep.

What peace! What blessed silence!!

I don't know why I need it, but I do. I need the solitude, the silence. I need whole chunks of time away from people, to be alone with just me. And my books. My music.

The past few weeks I've been over-exposed to people needing me for this, people wanting me for that, people demanding my attention NOW NOW NOW!!! ... For a semi-hermit like me, it all was just too much. I can handle a lot of things, but if I have a failing, it is the inability to handle the incessant yapping of people I just DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS about, clamouring over each other for my attention over the most trivial and inconsequential of matters; things which, to them, are of UTMOST importance, their magnitudes blown wholely out of proportion by people who do it because they MUST feel important about themselves.

Self-important Fuckers.

Not even home is a refuge when you have nine other people living under the same roof. It's been driving me insane. The past few days I've been totally out of my mind. I swear I went bonkers. Something just snapped. Now that I've had a whole day and a bit of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with another person, I've only just begun to realise what the problem really was. Well, I always kind of knew what the problem was, but am now only realising that there was a bit more to it than I initially thought.

What it essentially boils down to is that I need somewhere I can be myself. For whatever. I need to have a place to call my own, somewhere for me to hide when I need to. When I was younger I used to be able to find my refuge in books. I would bury myself in them, and when I finally emerged, I'd find I'd've read my worries away. For unknown reasons, it no longer works. I find that nowadays I need something more physical, and of late I find the need for private, personal space growing stronger and stronger. More urgent.. and almost desprately necessary.

The logistics of it, however, needs to be worked out first. So far, it's not working out. Yet. I don't know how much longer I can hold up, but hopefully it'll be long enough for me to work something out. It's not much of a choice, really, and with some luck (well, a lot of it really!!) I won't have to wait very long.

I'm going to watch some Southpark now. It always cheers me up. :o)

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

A Series of Unfortunate Events

After missing out on a yoga session (don't ask!!!), I very bad-naturedly tromped out of the gym, bought myself a movie ticket and seeing I had half an hour to kill, headed for A&W for a Root Beer Float and Curly Fries. Shaddap. Jangan komen. It was a tough day, okay?

I watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Gosh, what a lovely-sounding name. Lemony Snicket. Lemony. Hehee. But seeing as how A Series of Unfortunate Events seemed to be the theme for my day, perhaps it was only fitting (and most apt!) that I watched it.

What a sad movie! Really! It's so sad!! The whole movie, I felt such sympathy for those poor Baudelaire children. They suffer one unfortunate event after another, and at times when things looked like they were finally turning out right, another misfortune befalls them. Kesian sangat! I cried for Uncle Monty, but then again, I have a soft spot for Billy Connolly. ;o) Yet, I thought it was brilliant. It was brilliant in the way Big Fish and Pleasantville were. It's tragically beautiful in the way Nightmare Before Christmas is, almost exactly in the same way. I realise that many would beg to differ, but my two cents. :o)

It's a beautifully made film, the costumes, the sets .. the actors! I hadn't really read much about the movie prior to watching it, and I was surprised to see so many established actors, but that's irrelevant! Or is it? Beyond a doubt, though, the children were the stars .. especially baby Sunny. Wahaahaaa!! She had the BEST lines! *G*

Aaaah .. Go watch the film, this film that says even a seemingly-unending series of unfortunate events ends in a rainbow .. of sorts. :o)

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

Why, oh Why???

Why is it that when you're feeling especially, exceptionally bloated, you cannot resist scarfing down chocolates by the tonnes?

And why is it that you keep wanting to eat eat eat eventhough you feel your chin growing a twin?

(All you lucky people who don't have this urge, I hate you! Go away!! >oP)

Oh God. Ni baru PMS. I'm going to feel like the Hindenburg when I'm preggers.

Oh God.

I am sooooooo FAAAAAAT!!!!

.... But I'll bet a pink iPod Mini would make me feel better. Although the green one kinda kicks serious cool ass too. ;o)

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

A Book, Someone?

I need something to read.

Usually, I have the memory of a sieve. For obvious reasons, this is generally bad. When it comes to my books though, it's a bit of a blessing as that means that I can read my books over and over again, and every time I read it, it's as if I'm reading the story brand new. However, numerous repititions of the same old stories tend to drill them into me head.

This, unfortunately, has happened with just about every book I own. Or any book I care to read right now, that is. I opened my cupboard and couldn't find a single thing to read. It's like opening a closet overflowing with clothes and having to yell in total desperation, "I have nothing to wear!!!" The girls should understand what I mean.

Nak pergi Kinokuniya, tak ada duit. Macam mana niiiiii???!!!!

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling:

Simple Sentiments

For those of you who didn't know, I hate listening to the radio. I hate it. Hate it, hate it, absolutely hate it. I can't stand the inane chit-chattering of tong kosong DJs, I hate the stoooooopid radio ads (altho once in a while you get a few priceless gems *winkz*), and I will never (NEVER!!) be able to fully express just how thoroughly I detest their musical selections.

[snip]
Once upon a time, there used to be a rock-a-licious radio station where the DJs didn't love the sound of their own voices, the ads were amazingly low, the callers were at least semi-intelligent/coherent and the music was good. It was called Classic Rock. Unfortunately, as with all good things, it came to an unfortunate demise, due to lack of sponsorship/ad pulls. Alas! The sacrfice of GOOD entertainment in the name of profitability. Boooooo!!
[unsnip]

R&B. Ugh!

Hitz.fm, MixFM, Era, Radio 4, THR, whatnot. I would flip through the stations just to find something I could bear listening to, whatever the station. More often than not, I'd flip though the whole frequency range twice over before giving up in maddening frustration and switching the *#*%* damned thing off.. only to switch it back on again bare seconds later in the vain hope that I might find something halfway decent to listen to this time around. All in vain, I tell you.

It's worse when popular music goes through a phase. A while back there was a Rap/R&B/Gangsta/I'm-Tough-Black-Music-You-Bitches-Worship-At-The-Altar-Of-My-Bling phase. God, what the fuck was that about?!!! And then not only does ONE station (read: hitz.fm) play them on an unending loop, but in a bid to be as 'cool' as hitz.fm, ALL the other stations play the fecking same thing over and over again as well! Aaaaaargh! Have these people never heard of VARIETY?!!! The only station I find halfway bearable is Red104.9. Which is why I invested in a kick-ass player (best I could afford anyways), so I could listen to songs I liked while I drove. I'm in control baby!!!!

Ahem.

Hence, after losing *ahem* misplacing my CD case for a week after the car came out of the workshop, I cringingly gave in to the inevitable. When I say I need music, I really need music y'all, and I figured it was worth a tiny risk .. and y'know what? It wasn't too bad. I still, from time to time, was forced to do the quick station-shuffle, but all in all, it wasn't too bad. Thankfully, I'm now able to give it up seeing as how I've recovered my precious cache. Aaaah, you never know what you had until you've lost it. Too true. :o)

But on my short week listening to public radio, I came across this song. The melodics are so simple, the lyrics so juvenile. Yet, its simplicity is its charm.

It reminds me of being a teenager in love. I suppose the song is about a teenager in love. Heck, I only just watched the video for it this afternoon and the singer IS a kid still! And the song: the promises so naive, the sentiments so .. uncomplicated that they could actually be taken at face value. It reminds me of being in love when I was in school. What did I know of love then? Ptish! Everything about love seemed so simple then, not the way love is as an adult now, so much more complicated.

Yet, I listen to the song and its amazing simplicity stands out. The song is certainly not shallow for it, and its simplicity strikes at something profound in me. Maybe love is not meant to be complicated at all, and maybe love should be as simple as this.

Maybe love is.


I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

~ Beautiful Soul - by Jesse McCartney

And this song is dedicated to Min, who has one of the most beatifullest souls I know. *huuuugz*

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

Feeling: