Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Mad Ramblings of a Talkative Noldor

It's almost two in the a.m. ... *yawn* It's when it's late and I'm sleepy that it's most dangerous .. the weirdest things come to mind, unbidden, and tonight, it's death. Creepy .. *theme for the 'Twilight Zone'*

What is there beyond that great Black curtain? Concepts of Heaven and Eternal Hell .. they're beyond me. This suggests that there are clearly defined boundaries of good and evil, which I think is ridiculous as nothing, with the exception of nothing, is purely black nor white. Giving the simplest of examples, compare a man who steals to feed his hungry family because he has no other options, and a man who does nothing but gives praise to God all his life but neglects his family to do so. How do you begin to evaluate the good and the evil? Or is moderation next to Godliness?

What about Reincarnation, then? Condemned to forever repeat the life cycle until Nirvana is achieved? If that isn't a form of Hell, I don't know what is!

Or is it the Eternal Sleep, as the Ancient Egyptians believed? I must confess that I'm partial to the Ancient Sumerians' idea of The Great Void. Absolute nothingness. That's more or less what we experience when we sleep, anyways, apart from the dreams, which, by the way, I think is nothing more than our subconcious delusions. It never fails to amuse me how some people think dreams may be divine messages. Highly romantic, but hardly realistic. Yes, I'm a cynic-realist, in case you hadn't noticed by now.

*sigh* But it all boils down to this one question: What is the purpose of Life? If there was a purpose, it would make everything worthwhile.

We begin life by getting the best education we could possibly afford, and we go through life, never ceasing the learning process, gaining as much knowledge as we can .. but to what avail? To what purpose?

We slave through work all our adult lives, to make enough money so we may live comfortably while we're still alive.. but you definitely won't be able to take any of it with you into Death.

We do good on this Earth, giving aid to our fellow Man, giving praise to our Creator, with the promise of Eternal Reward at the end of our labours.. but what does anyone really know about the Hereafter? I believe there is a God, and on some days it is only my Faith that God exists that keeps me going .. but ultimately, we still don't know shit.

This saying just popped into my head: "We make plans, God laughs." Lol ... just a bit of dark humour.

My thoughts are morbid tonight. I suppose it's just a reflection of my current state of mind, tho. Sometimes I am just so sick of pretending to be happy and cheerful for the sake of others. Although I'm not the sort who gives two shits about other people's opinions, I also hate to be a burden. So when someone tells me to lighten up, be my old, cheerful self again (so full of life!), when all I really want to do is to tell them where to stick it, I put on my putridly sweet smile instead. So thank God for this space. It's refreshing to feel what I really feel once in a while.

Thesis Update: Almost done. Will be handed over this Friday.

Exms Update: Just sat for my Powder Metallurgy paper yesterday (Monday) afternoon (one down, three to go!!). It wasn't too difficult, and I'm pretty sure I aced the subject. The Thermal Power paper will be later this afternoon .. wish me luck!

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