Everything seems so bleak of late. It's like there's an unshakeable cloud of gloom hanging over my head, making life seem so dismal and listless.
I wouldn't call it depression. I don't believe it is that serious. Besides, it's not as if I am totally without some happiness. I feel happiness everytime I see LittleSumo smile and laugh. I feel happy for friends who have so much to celebrate: weddings, impending births, graduations, etc. And it's not as if I had to force myself to be happy for them.
I really am sincerely happy for them. Yet, sincere as it is, it is not truly encompassing. It's more like 'specific happiness', or 'assigned happiness'. Whenever I think of them, I feel happy for them, but that happiness doesn't spill into other aspects of my life. Everything else remains gray and lifeless. It's as though my life is a movie played in black and white, with the occasional spurts of coloured scenes interspersed between. Reminiscent of the movie 'Pleasantville', or more accurately, a dysfunctional first-generation colour TV.
I read an article once, some years back, about young adults now experiencing "quarter-life crisis". Is this what it is?
Nowadays, there seems to be a period of crisis for every stage of your life.
First, you have "Birth", where you are expelled from your comfortable, peaceful first home ever into this cold, cold climate where everything is noisy and doesn't make sense.
When you are a toddler, you have your "Terrible Twos Stage", where nothing makes much sense and you try to rationalise it the best you can in order to survive in this world by (reasonable) (adult) standards.
When you grow older, you become a "PreTeen", where you're about to enter teenage-hood, and you don't understand much about that, but you try your best to make it all make sense.
Then there's "Puberty". Let's not even go there.
Previously, only the "Mid-Life Crisis", "Turning 30 *gasp!*" and "Life Begins at 40 (thus labelled to acknowledge the (vain) attempt to console yourself)" syndromes were identified.
Having identified all that, you realise that not much of your life is left crisis-free. The only heretofore unexplained chunks remaining were: childhood, your teens, your twenties, and old age.
In your childhood, nothing made much sense, but who cares? You were too busy having fun playing masak-masak, mermaids, Barbie or kejar-kejar.
In your teens, everything made sense, because you already know everything. Naturally. D'uh!
Having said that, is it really any wonder that many adults wish they were either children or teenagers again?
In senile-dodderism, I have a feeling that I'll be too old to care, because I would already know everything, but despite my great wisdom, I would still find that nothing makes sense, but to hell with it all, I want to crochet my doily first, and feed my cat, and, and ... do I have a cat? Wait, where am I? I don't remember ever seeing this sofa befo .. zzZzZzzZZzz .....
So that leaves only your Twenties for you to finally, at at least ONE point in your life, be (relatively) carefree, to understand it all, or maybe accepting that you understand nothing but are at total peace with that, and just to enjoy life as it is, no more, no less.
THEN they come up with "Quarter-Life Crisis"????!!? Why can't these psychologists leave us the hell alone??!! Must they take EVERYTHING away from us?!!!
*sigh*
God, I just decided on the title for this post, and have just realised that I AM A TWENTYSOMETHING!! Before I know it, I'll be 30 .. then 40 .. and then I'll have a chin hanging to my boobs, and boobs hanging to my toes!! Oh tidaaaaaaak!!!.....
Seriously, though. For me, it's this feeling of .. restlessness. Of inadequacy. Maybe that's the right word. Inadequate. Everything feels .. lacking, and the harder I try, the more that 'something' eludes me, so much so that I have become so sick of trying and have decided to go the absolute extreme contrary and stubbornly do nothing at all. And perhaps that is the root of the restlessness.
It also seems like I am not the only one. I see my mood(s) reflected in most of my other friends in the same age group, in varying degrees.
Will life actually be easy at some point? Will there ever be a point in my life where I can say, "I have it all, I want for nothing more." Will I ever be able to shake off this bleakness? Will it ever lift? Or will it never go away, and instead gradually, insidiously assimilate itself into my personality, resulting in my becoming more embittered as I grow older.
Is that why old people generally seem so bitter, so sad, so forlorn? Or will Life be more like a wave, where we'll experience highs and lows like the ebbings of the tide? I was going to say like a sine curve, but that seemed a little engineering-dorkish. What to do? Once a dork, always a dork, I guess. *G*
Will things ever make any sense?!!
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Deep Thoughts?
Despite knowing the theory behind the Relativity of Time, I still find it fascinating how a 5-hour drive to Penang can be so interminably long and tiresome, yet the 5-hour drive back from Penang can pass by in almost a blink. Hmmm.....
I commented on it once, how the journey 'to' always seem longer than the journey back. In response, MrWonderful told me that it was because on your way 'to', malaikats and other celestial beings question your motives for the journey every step of the way.
"Where are you going? What are your motives? What are your intentions?"
Err ... okay. I more or less thought that it was mainly due to the anticipation of arriving somewhere that made the journey 'to' so restless, as opposed to the restfulness of the 'event' being over with which makes the trip back seem shorter, but I could be wrong. *cheek!* I just bear in mind that MrWonderful is the product of a sekolah agama secondary school education, so it's hardly surprising he'd hear things like this.
Not that I completely disregard what he said (and nor am I dissing sekolah agamas!). The sentiment is good, and it's always good to question and to be aware of what your motives are for doing something. However, I can't help but be a teensy weensy bit skeptical. Blame it on the urbanite in me. I wasn't exactly brought up believing heavily in the World of the Unseen. It's something which exists on the fringes of my world. But. Yeah.
This time, however, I happen to know exactly why the trip 'to' was longer than the trip back. On the trip 'to', I sat (okay, more like sprawled) in the back, drifting in and out of sleep the whole time, with no idea of how much time and distance had elapsed between one moment of bleary wakefulness and the next. For those who don't know, I am a bad car-traveller. The worst part about long distance travel by car is the fact that I have nothing to do, coz reading in the car makes me nauseous. I travel badly by car and plane. Oddly though, I'm fine in trains and ships. Even more strangely (or maybe not *winkz*), I never minded long-distance drives with MrWonderful. Those were Events and Quality Time to look forward to. ;o)
The trip back, however, was ridden out in the front seat, occupied by discussion (one might be tempted to call it near-argument) with MrMucho (whom I must now refer to as DrMucho, congratulations honey!) on the societal-discrimination vs self-discrimination of Homosexual Men and Women, but mostly Men (because Straight Men do not seem to find the idea of women kissing as repugnant (hell, some even fantasize about it!) as men kissing, hence the greater censure, but that is a different discussion altogether and has no effect on the topic at hand, so we shall leave it at this for now.. My, aren't we wordy! ;op)
Not going too deeply into all that (it was a 5-hour drive, after all!), it led towards further discussion/arguement into the quest for acceptance, straight vs gay relationships (his argument: being allowed to legally marry makes it easier for straight people to have relationships than it is for gay people to have relationships because being able to legally marry makes the relationship bonds stronger. WTF? Commitments are commitments, legal certificates notwithstanding. Apparently, this is not true for gay men. Being allowed legal marriages allows for better relationship foundations. I think it's just a convenient excuse for not committing. Gay men are still men, after all. *winkz*), and a whole host of other things.
But what it mainly boiled down to was me insisting that fundamentally, every human (man, woman, he/she, she/he, gay, straight, datuk, tengku makhota, you name it) is equal and deserves - and should be accorded - every fundamental right, and that all distinctions and discriminations should be ignored and done away with (Note: By 'discrimination' here I am merely meaning the difference created, not its other, more adverse meaning) whereas he maintained that gay people were different that straight people, even fundamentally. Either I am wrong, or he did not really consider the fact appropriately down to its true fundamentals.
He is proud that he is gay and different; different from straight people as well as from other gay people who think that being gay is all about slutty-sleeping-around, no such thing as long-term relationships, etc. While it is good to have personal pride, I wonder if it is all that great if it continues in this vein. By pride, I am not talking about vanity. I suppose it's more an issue of self-respect.
It baffles me that people can be proud of being different. When you think yourself different, you make distinctions and you create boundaries, and this in turn, I believe, gives room for dissention.
Now, I'm no Conformist myself, but I'm not exactly proud of it. Nor am I ashamed of it. It's not even regardable as an accomplishment, it just is. Things are the way they are, regardless of common-held beliefs and rules. Firstly, beliefs are highly individual, nobody could - nor should - tell you what to believe. Secondly, Rules are created by humans and are never absolute. Heck, some of them might not even be right, so I rarely even bother paying attention to them (except for traffic rules, coz I don't want to pay saman. But even then, I ignore them sometimes. Haha!). Ah well. But like I said, beliefs are highly individual. I might just be delusional. Each to her own.
But I still insist that every human is the same, fundamentally. *winkz*
~@~
All that being said, I wonder sometimes if all these philosophical ramblings and discussions are pointless. People sit and discuss and argue and rant and rave over all things 'philosophical', feeling puffed up and important over their own superior intelligence .. and you wonder what the real outcome really is, if one actually exists. What is philosophy, truly?
I think it's all egotism. It's all about people who need to feel important discussing 'something' while they are, in actual fact, discussing nothing. Over-inflated self-sense of superior intelligence. Like the Mensa society. What a bunch of pompous asses! Haha! Apologies to any supporters of Mensa, but these are just my (not so) humble opinions, and this is, after all, my (not so) private rant page. *winkz* Seriously though, it's true if you think about how the idea for Mensa bourne out of spite by this one man who couldn't get into some university, the reasons for its formation no longer seem so noble. Which university was it? Oxford? Cambridge? Harvard? Yale? Talk about a case of sour grapes. What's more, it creates more division! More discrimination! Boycott Mensa! Hehee. *lolz*
Having said all that, I shall be the first to admit that yes, I am one of those people who sits and think I think big thoughts. I am a pompous, egoistical windbag! Haha! Better to mengaku dulu before anyone else hentam kita! *G*
And yet, being aware of all this, I still sit and ponder on the 'philosophical' workings of our world. I don't believe any of it to be absolute truths, but isn't that what philosophy is all about?
All this shite are the inventions of humans. We, as a species, do tend to drum up a lot of shite, don't we? Yet it is a process which doesn't end until the day we die. I may think up a lot of shite, but pray forgive me. I am, after all, only human. *winkz*
I commented on it once, how the journey 'to' always seem longer than the journey back. In response, MrWonderful told me that it was because on your way 'to', malaikats and other celestial beings question your motives for the journey every step of the way.
"Where are you going? What are your motives? What are your intentions?"
Err ... okay. I more or less thought that it was mainly due to the anticipation of arriving somewhere that made the journey 'to' so restless, as opposed to the restfulness of the 'event' being over with which makes the trip back seem shorter, but I could be wrong. *cheek!* I just bear in mind that MrWonderful is the product of a sekolah agama secondary school education, so it's hardly surprising he'd hear things like this.
Not that I completely disregard what he said (and nor am I dissing sekolah agamas!). The sentiment is good, and it's always good to question and to be aware of what your motives are for doing something. However, I can't help but be a teensy weensy bit skeptical. Blame it on the urbanite in me. I wasn't exactly brought up believing heavily in the World of the Unseen. It's something which exists on the fringes of my world. But. Yeah.
This time, however, I happen to know exactly why the trip 'to' was longer than the trip back. On the trip 'to', I sat (okay, more like sprawled) in the back, drifting in and out of sleep the whole time, with no idea of how much time and distance had elapsed between one moment of bleary wakefulness and the next. For those who don't know, I am a bad car-traveller. The worst part about long distance travel by car is the fact that I have nothing to do, coz reading in the car makes me nauseous. I travel badly by car and plane. Oddly though, I'm fine in trains and ships. Even more strangely (or maybe not *winkz*), I never minded long-distance drives with MrWonderful. Those were Events and Quality Time to look forward to. ;o)
The trip back, however, was ridden out in the front seat, occupied by discussion (one might be tempted to call it near-argument) with MrMucho (whom I must now refer to as DrMucho, congratulations honey!) on the societal-discrimination vs self-discrimination of Homosexual Men and Women, but mostly Men (because Straight Men do not seem to find the idea of women kissing as repugnant (hell, some even fantasize about it!) as men kissing, hence the greater censure, but that is a different discussion altogether and has no effect on the topic at hand, so we shall leave it at this for now.. My, aren't we wordy! ;op)
Not going too deeply into all that (it was a 5-hour drive, after all!), it led towards further discussion/arguement into the quest for acceptance, straight vs gay relationships (his argument: being allowed to legally marry makes it easier for straight people to have relationships than it is for gay people to have relationships because being able to legally marry makes the relationship bonds stronger. WTF? Commitments are commitments, legal certificates notwithstanding. Apparently, this is not true for gay men. Being allowed legal marriages allows for better relationship foundations. I think it's just a convenient excuse for not committing. Gay men are still men, after all. *winkz*), and a whole host of other things.
But what it mainly boiled down to was me insisting that fundamentally, every human (man, woman, he/she, she/he, gay, straight, datuk, tengku makhota, you name it) is equal and deserves - and should be accorded - every fundamental right, and that all distinctions and discriminations should be ignored and done away with (Note: By 'discrimination' here I am merely meaning the difference created, not its other, more adverse meaning) whereas he maintained that gay people were different that straight people, even fundamentally. Either I am wrong, or he did not really consider the fact appropriately down to its true fundamentals.
He is proud that he is gay and different; different from straight people as well as from other gay people who think that being gay is all about slutty-sleeping-around, no such thing as long-term relationships, etc. While it is good to have personal pride, I wonder if it is all that great if it continues in this vein. By pride, I am not talking about vanity. I suppose it's more an issue of self-respect.
It baffles me that people can be proud of being different. When you think yourself different, you make distinctions and you create boundaries, and this in turn, I believe, gives room for dissention.
Now, I'm no Conformist myself, but I'm not exactly proud of it. Nor am I ashamed of it. It's not even regardable as an accomplishment, it just is. Things are the way they are, regardless of common-held beliefs and rules. Firstly, beliefs are highly individual, nobody could - nor should - tell you what to believe. Secondly, Rules are created by humans and are never absolute. Heck, some of them might not even be right, so I rarely even bother paying attention to them (except for traffic rules, coz I don't want to pay saman. But even then, I ignore them sometimes. Haha!). Ah well. But like I said, beliefs are highly individual. I might just be delusional. Each to her own.
But I still insist that every human is the same, fundamentally. *winkz*
~@~
All that being said, I wonder sometimes if all these philosophical ramblings and discussions are pointless. People sit and discuss and argue and rant and rave over all things 'philosophical', feeling puffed up and important over their own superior intelligence .. and you wonder what the real outcome really is, if one actually exists. What is philosophy, truly?
I think it's all egotism. It's all about people who need to feel important discussing 'something' while they are, in actual fact, discussing nothing. Over-inflated self-sense of superior intelligence. Like the Mensa society. What a bunch of pompous asses! Haha! Apologies to any supporters of Mensa, but these are just my (not so) humble opinions, and this is, after all, my (not so) private rant page. *winkz* Seriously though, it's true if you think about how the idea for Mensa bourne out of spite by this one man who couldn't get into some university, the reasons for its formation no longer seem so noble. Which university was it? Oxford? Cambridge? Harvard? Yale? Talk about a case of sour grapes. What's more, it creates more division! More discrimination! Boycott Mensa! Hehee. *lolz*
Having said all that, I shall be the first to admit that yes, I am one of those people who sits and think I think big thoughts. I am a pompous, egoistical windbag! Haha! Better to mengaku dulu before anyone else hentam kita! *G*
And yet, being aware of all this, I still sit and ponder on the 'philosophical' workings of our world. I don't believe any of it to be absolute truths, but isn't that what philosophy is all about?
All this shite are the inventions of humans. We, as a species, do tend to drum up a lot of shite, don't we? Yet it is a process which doesn't end until the day we die. I may think up a lot of shite, but pray forgive me. I am, after all, only human. *winkz*
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Painting the Town Red
Went to the Men's Health Readers' Choice Party at Budabar at the pleading of IpohBoy. Although I was initially reluctant (seeing as how all other mag parties I've attended have been, without exception, the most boring parties ever) I gave in because I'm a softie and can't resist when I'm someone's last resort. Ehhh??!! Where's your pride, girl?!!! Well, I wasn't really last resort. I was invited first, declined, then I was last resort.
My sister says I caved in because, deep down, I actually sayang him, despite all the ranting and raving over how much he annoys me, but the simple truth is that I can't stand it when people start pleading. I won't budge an inch when people demand things of me, but the moment they start pleading, yeesh. I can't bear it! And just to get them to shut up, I give in. Note to self: Must learn to say NO! Seriously though, I really have to stop giving in to people this way.
Fortunately, this was one time I didn't regret saying No. Not to say the event was the best time I ever had in my life, but it was actually entertaining. The venue was one I've been meaning to check out anyway, and despite my misgivings, it more than comfortably accommodated the crowd. Free (good) food too! Although I found out later that I wasn't supposed to be partaking of the buffet spread as it was reserved for 'special guests'. Hey, I think I'm pretty special! Hehe. Nevertheless, the food was happily digesting in my tummy by then, so whatever. Also, unlike other mag parties, they had a pretty good MC (Paula Malai Ali is sooo boring!) who roused up the crowd pretty well.
Best of all, tho, were the presents! Heeheee! Door gifts were standard. Some Biotherm samples and other bits. What really got me happy-as-a-clam was the RM250 (or so they claim) L'Oreal products I won! By trying to 'seduce' the crowd! *Goes beet red* Yah yah, it was one of the games they had lined up, and I got the MC to make IpohBoy go up on stage, and he literally dragged me along with him (which I tell you I no small feat as I'm haaaardly a skinny wisp of a person!). My God, he's strong! I tell you, had I been wearing more stable shoes (4-inch stilettoes, Cik Stiletto! whoop!) and dug in my heels, I swear he would have probably carried me up onto the stage!
So there we were, 3 men and 3 women, totally clueless as to what we had to endure to win some 'prizes'. Then we were told to seduce the crowd. Urp! Not going too heavily into embarassing details, I thought for sure the guy who almost took off his pants (!) would win. I forgot it was a male-heavy crowd .. so I ended up winning! Not bad, huh? So if I'm 'seductive' enough (ya right!) to win the contest, HOW COME I'M STILL SINGLE?!?!!! I swear, it was the short skirt that did it. Lolz.
But I got lots of cool hair product thingies! And I also got a proper make-up box, which I have been wanting to buy but have been short on cash! Yay! lolz ....
Then MrMucho, Doggie and I went to Frangipani at Bkt Ceylon. Very nice bar, nice place to chill with friends and chat. Well, if you're into that sort of thing. Lovely decor! My only complaint was that it was 95% gay men. Urgh. Not that I have a problem with gay men, it's just that that percentage doesn't leave me with much options! Not only that, what 5% of the men there who weren't gay were ugly. Drat! Haha! Macamlah dia tu cantik sangat! :oP Ah well. Met a couple MrMucho's friends (one gay man, the other said gay man's straight girl best friend). Nice people. Will definitely keep in touch with them.
Yawn. Having just got home, I shall have to resume with my packing. So far, nothing is packed! Haha! And seeing as how MrMucho will be swinging by at 10am tomorrow to drive up to Penang, I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight. Must make sure I bring everything! Besides, I can always sleep in the car.
Note: It's been on for 8 hours, and Stila Smudge Pot eyeliner still has not run!! Miracle eyeliner, this is! *G*
haha! These quiz results are so funny!
My sister says I caved in because, deep down, I actually sayang him, despite all the ranting and raving over how much he annoys me, but the simple truth is that I can't stand it when people start pleading. I won't budge an inch when people demand things of me, but the moment they start pleading, yeesh. I can't bear it! And just to get them to shut up, I give in. Note to self: Must learn to say NO! Seriously though, I really have to stop giving in to people this way.
Fortunately, this was one time I didn't regret saying No. Not to say the event was the best time I ever had in my life, but it was actually entertaining. The venue was one I've been meaning to check out anyway, and despite my misgivings, it more than comfortably accommodated the crowd. Free (good) food too! Although I found out later that I wasn't supposed to be partaking of the buffet spread as it was reserved for 'special guests'. Hey, I think I'm pretty special! Hehe. Nevertheless, the food was happily digesting in my tummy by then, so whatever. Also, unlike other mag parties, they had a pretty good MC (Paula Malai Ali is sooo boring!) who roused up the crowd pretty well.
Best of all, tho, were the presents! Heeheee! Door gifts were standard. Some Biotherm samples and other bits. What really got me happy-as-a-clam was the RM250 (or so they claim) L'Oreal products I won! By trying to 'seduce' the crowd! *Goes beet red* Yah yah, it was one of the games they had lined up, and I got the MC to make IpohBoy go up on stage, and he literally dragged me along with him (which I tell you I no small feat as I'm haaaardly a skinny wisp of a person!). My God, he's strong! I tell you, had I been wearing more stable shoes (4-inch stilettoes, Cik Stiletto! whoop!) and dug in my heels, I swear he would have probably carried me up onto the stage!
So there we were, 3 men and 3 women, totally clueless as to what we had to endure to win some 'prizes'. Then we were told to seduce the crowd. Urp! Not going too heavily into embarassing details, I thought for sure the guy who almost took off his pants (!) would win. I forgot it was a male-heavy crowd .. so I ended up winning! Not bad, huh? So if I'm 'seductive' enough (ya right!) to win the contest, HOW COME I'M STILL SINGLE?!?!!! I swear, it was the short skirt that did it. Lolz.
But I got lots of cool hair product thingies! And I also got a proper make-up box, which I have been wanting to buy but have been short on cash! Yay! lolz ....
Then MrMucho, Doggie and I went to Frangipani at Bkt Ceylon. Very nice bar, nice place to chill with friends and chat. Well, if you're into that sort of thing. Lovely decor! My only complaint was that it was 95% gay men. Urgh. Not that I have a problem with gay men, it's just that that percentage doesn't leave me with much options! Not only that, what 5% of the men there who weren't gay were ugly. Drat! Haha! Macamlah dia tu cantik sangat! :oP Ah well. Met a couple MrMucho's friends (one gay man, the other said gay man's straight girl best friend). Nice people. Will definitely keep in touch with them.
Yawn. Having just got home, I shall have to resume with my packing. So far, nothing is packed! Haha! And seeing as how MrMucho will be swinging by at 10am tomorrow to drive up to Penang, I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight. Must make sure I bring everything! Besides, I can always sleep in the car.
Note: It's been on for 8 hours, and Stila Smudge Pot eyeliner still has not run!! Miracle eyeliner, this is! *G*
You're Les Miserables!
by Victor Hugo
One of the best known people in your community, you have become something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing vendettas.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.
You're Sudan!
Every time you get a headache, you reach for some aspirin, only to realize that someone destroyed it. That's just how things are going for you right now... it's hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to not have a headache. You try to relax, but people always jump on you about something that doesn't make sense. If you were a goat, you'd be a Nubian.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid
You're Mexico!
While some people think you're poor and maybe a little corrupt, you know where it's at, enjoying good food and nice beaches. You like to take things a little slower than those around you, and you really wish the air were cleaner, but sometimes compromises must be made. For some reason, Chevrolet keeps trying to sell you Novas as well, even though they don't really go.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid
haha! These quiz results are so funny!
Thursday, June 24, 2004
This and That
Peh. Experiencing another .. whatever-you-want-to-call-it block. Maybe it's just a Block. Well, whatever it is, I just wanted to have something less depressing pop up on the main page.
I love you, you love me,
Let's gang up and get Barney,
With a Boom! and a Bang!, Barney's on the floor,
No more purple di-no-saur!!
*G*
Overheard some Barney ad on the radio recently, and it brought back many torturous memories. I just thank the Merciful Powers-That-Be that LittleSumo (my 2 1/2 year-old kid brother) never discovered and will (I ferverently pray) never discover that horrifying purple minion of Lucifer.
Apart from that, life has been .. ordinary. I'm wary about asking for a life less ordinary because I know what kind of trouble those kind of wishes can get you. Be careful what you wish for.
*Shudder*
Ending on a more pleasant note, I'll be in Penang this weekend, attending Mr Mucho's convocation ceremony. Am honoured he asked me to attend. :o) Gasp! What to WEAR??!?!?!!!
Also, am planning to have a ton of fun in (hopefully) sunny, sunny Penang! Anybody nak kirim anything? Just let me know! ;o)
I love you, you love me,
Let's gang up and get Barney,
With a Boom! and a Bang!, Barney's on the floor,
No more purple di-no-saur!!
*G*
Overheard some Barney ad on the radio recently, and it brought back many torturous memories. I just thank the Merciful Powers-That-Be that LittleSumo (my 2 1/2 year-old kid brother) never discovered and will (I ferverently pray) never discover that horrifying purple minion of Lucifer.
Apart from that, life has been .. ordinary. I'm wary about asking for a life less ordinary because I know what kind of trouble those kind of wishes can get you. Be careful what you wish for.
*Shudder*
Ending on a more pleasant note, I'll be in Penang this weekend, attending Mr Mucho's convocation ceremony. Am honoured he asked me to attend. :o) Gasp! What to WEAR??!?!?!!!
Also, am planning to have a ton of fun in (hopefully) sunny, sunny Penang! Anybody nak kirim anything? Just let me know! ;o)
Monday, June 21, 2004
If wishes were horses ...
If wishes were horses, I would own one the size of which would rival Sparta's 'gift' to Troy. It would also be just as treacherous.
Have you ever felt so alone? I mean, so truly alone that you have absolutely no one? You don't want to burden the people you love because, frankly, it's not their burden to bear? You just feel so .. lost.
Why does loving have to hurt so much? It shouldn't. I don't think it should.
Love is a double-edged sword which cuts both ways. Yet we would go to the Ends of the Earth to seek it.
Right now, one end cuts significantly deeper than the other. Is it no wonder it hurts so much?
Sleep is a shameless tease. Peace eludes me. Numbness is a constant, unwanted companion.
I have ever been a trusting one. "Accepted, unless proven otherwise." But I have never been one who is quick to love.
And the one time I fall, I fall hard. On my face.
And the one time I admit I did, it gets thrown back at me. In my face.
He is in my every waking thought, He haunts even my dreams. In the day, I can at least control my thoughts. Foolish, unbidden fantasies can be easily dismissed. The nights are the worst. My dreams show me the best of What Could Have Been. I have no control over those dreams. I cannot banish them nor memories of them so easily. They might not be real, but the tears are. They continue to torment me. I begin to dread nightfall.
People tell me He is not worth it. I nod in assent. I tell myself He isn't worth any of it; not the heartbreak, not the misery, none of the sorrow, none of the tears, none of my love. Yet I know how much I lie to myself. Everything is a big, confused Lie. He is worth all that and so much more.
Yet, I cannot bring myself to reach out and grab All I Truly Desire. I am unable to fight for that which I have been waiting for all my life, because I know that should I win, I could never live with myself.
"What's it like, I wonder, to know he chooses to be with another woman?"
I know all too well.
Have you ever felt so alone? I mean, so truly alone that you have absolutely no one? You don't want to burden the people you love because, frankly, it's not their burden to bear? You just feel so .. lost.
Why does loving have to hurt so much? It shouldn't. I don't think it should.
Love is a double-edged sword which cuts both ways. Yet we would go to the Ends of the Earth to seek it.
Right now, one end cuts significantly deeper than the other. Is it no wonder it hurts so much?
Sleep is a shameless tease. Peace eludes me. Numbness is a constant, unwanted companion.
I have ever been a trusting one. "Accepted, unless proven otherwise." But I have never been one who is quick to love.
And the one time I fall, I fall hard. On my face.
And the one time I admit I did, it gets thrown back at me. In my face.
He is in my every waking thought, He haunts even my dreams. In the day, I can at least control my thoughts. Foolish, unbidden fantasies can be easily dismissed. The nights are the worst. My dreams show me the best of What Could Have Been. I have no control over those dreams. I cannot banish them nor memories of them so easily. They might not be real, but the tears are. They continue to torment me. I begin to dread nightfall.
People tell me He is not worth it. I nod in assent. I tell myself He isn't worth any of it; not the heartbreak, not the misery, none of the sorrow, none of the tears, none of my love. Yet I know how much I lie to myself. Everything is a big, confused Lie. He is worth all that and so much more.
Yet, I cannot bring myself to reach out and grab All I Truly Desire. I am unable to fight for that which I have been waiting for all my life, because I know that should I win, I could never live with myself.
"What's it like, I wonder, to know he chooses to be with another woman?"
I know all too well.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Wedding Reception No. 2: Istana Hotel.
It was Ms. .. oops! sorry, Puan S's wedding reception at the Istana Hotel tonight. Last night, technically. Aaaaah! On the night of June, the 19th, ok?
What an event that was. I'm not even the bride and I'm pooped! I must admit, though, that it is less of a physical tiredness than weariness due to being overwhelmed. My eyes totally popped when the arrival of the Sultan and Sultanah of Kedah were announced! And how much more they popped when Ms. Stiletto pointed out that the lady with the biiiiig hair sitting alone in one of the "royalty" seats was the Raja Permaisuri Agung! And Tun Dr Mahatir Mohd was announced next! Followed by Tun Hjh Siti Hasmah! And flanking them were the various MBs and Bendaharis of States ... adoi. And here I thought that Najib was already a big deal. Nampak sangat I am so not "high society" .. and thank God for that! Aku tak nak kahwin orang high profile! Tak terdaya!!!! (Isy .. perasan sangat. Macamlah orang high profile nakkan kita ...)
Apart from the bowing and scraping and the sembah-sembah "ampun tuanku, beribu-ribu ampun" (or whatever) .. and all that tiresome protocol, it was a beautiful wedding. The plus side was that I got to meet some old friends tonight, some of whom I have not seen since we left high school all those 8 long years ago. Baru perasan betapa tuanya aku. Oh tidaaaaaak!! MzMin was right. Puan S's wedding DID turn out to be a mini high school reunion! It was nice, tho.
The food wasn't so great .. but maybe that's just me. Like I told Ms. Stiletto, most weddings I attend happen to be Johorean. Seeing as how this family is from Kedah, the food, to me, was therefore somewhat .. unusual fare for a wedding. Entahlah. I suppose kalau dah biasa sangat, anything else would be a bit odd. Tapi bedal jugak. ;o) Chek Anne kita contol sikit. Alah, sikit je. Hehe. Tapi maybe that's just because her "friend" was sitting next to her. Or maybe I just terperasan that way because I was sitting too far away to notice berapa kali dia tambah nasi and lauk. Heh heh. Chek Anne jangan marah, ye?
It was a thoroughly enjoyable night. Everyone was all "gussied up" (to borrow MzMin's term) and generally looking super hot. Too bad I forgot to buy batteries for my camera beforehand. :o(
Yes, it was a fun night. It was fun being catty and watching other people with their baaaaad fashion sense. Can you believe the Sultan of Kedah turned up wearing a flourescent green baju melayu when the Sultanah was wearing cream? What the hell were the either of them - or BOTH of them! - thinking??!?!!
Also, there was the very entertaining little game I was playing with this cute guy at the next table. From the moment I arrived, he was eyeing me top to toe. No, not in a leering sort of manner, otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged that sort of behaviour! Also it just so happened that I was sitting directly in his line of sight - which I swear was NOT engineered and ENTIRELY coincidental - so all throughout dinner there was a game of main-main mata going on. I peeked at him, he peeked at me, flirtatious smiles, a wink or two, you get the picture. Somewhat juvenile, I know, but it kept things, ah, interesting. Besides, he was CUTE! *giggles* Things got a little less immature when gazes were locked for a second, then two, then a few.
However, the fun came to a sudden halt when the woman next to him started playing with his hair and kissed him on the cheek. Sigh. How come the only men who are ever interested in me seem to be previously spoken for? It made me wonder if I only look good to men after they become bored with their partners. What wonders THAT does for my self-esteem! *dripping sarcasm* Seriously, it's like the only types of men I seem to be able to attract these days are attached men. Am I *gasp!* the Forbidden Fruit? Yeah right. Macamlah hot sangat. Hmm .. hot? fruit? Does that make me the human equivalent of pisang goreng? Or cempedak goreng? Cause I'm definitely no hot apple strudel. Apa daaaaa ... Now I've made myself hungry. Mana boleh aku cari cempedak goreng malam-malam nih?
It would be an understatement to say that I'm more than just a little sick of attention from attached men, so that game ended pretty abruptly.
But after that, there was that super fun game of trying to guess what the keepsakes actually were. Top guesses were table runners and/or embroidered purses for the ladies, no idea AT ALL what the men received. It was truly baffling. Either way, the guesses didn't make any sense. Who gives away table runners for wedding keepsakes?? The embroidered purses were more logical, but they seemed a little too big. Once I arrived home, I finally found out what they were. Embroidered cushion covers.
Me: Blink. Blink blink. Maaaaaak....
They still don't make sense .. but they're pretty, so who's complaining? *G*
And I learned a new word today! Gonjang. As in, "Ikram tu, gonjang lah!" Haha! Wait a minute. Gonjang ke gonjeng ke gojang? I dah lupa. Apa nak buat. SPM dapat C3 je for BM ....
Oh! One thing did serve to make the night somewhat less than perfect: (Huda, I've put this in just for you. ;o) ) the horrible, horrible wedding singers. MzMin, if you thought that Hindustani singer and that Malay pakcik last night at the nikah were bad, you would have been praying for them tonight. Tonight's were not quite bad-beyond-words, but they were definitely bad. Someone should have either shot them, or shot me. Either way, just someone make the misery stop.
Speaking of which, MzMin, your absence was felt. The Girlygirls were one short, and don't think none of us noticed. (Okay, technically we're several short, but the others couldn't help being stuck in the UK, so they don't count. *pout*) We missed ya, Min. Excuse No. 186 (and #187 and #194) not withstanding, it would have been a real Girlygirls Event had you been there. If it had been my wedding, I would have made you come bogel if need be. Haha! Nasib baik it wasn't. ;oP
What an event that was. I'm not even the bride and I'm pooped! I must admit, though, that it is less of a physical tiredness than weariness due to being overwhelmed. My eyes totally popped when the arrival of the Sultan and Sultanah of Kedah were announced! And how much more they popped when Ms. Stiletto pointed out that the lady with the biiiiig hair sitting alone in one of the "royalty" seats was the Raja Permaisuri Agung! And Tun Dr Mahatir Mohd was announced next! Followed by Tun Hjh Siti Hasmah! And flanking them were the various MBs and Bendaharis of States ... adoi. And here I thought that Najib was already a big deal. Nampak sangat I am so not "high society" .. and thank God for that! Aku tak nak kahwin orang high profile! Tak terdaya!!!! (Isy .. perasan sangat. Macamlah orang high profile nakkan kita ...)
Apart from the bowing and scraping and the sembah-sembah "ampun tuanku, beribu-ribu ampun" (or whatever) .. and all that tiresome protocol, it was a beautiful wedding. The plus side was that I got to meet some old friends tonight, some of whom I have not seen since we left high school all those 8 long years ago. Baru perasan betapa tuanya aku. Oh tidaaaaaak!! MzMin was right. Puan S's wedding DID turn out to be a mini high school reunion! It was nice, tho.
The food wasn't so great .. but maybe that's just me. Like I told Ms. Stiletto, most weddings I attend happen to be Johorean. Seeing as how this family is from Kedah, the food, to me, was therefore somewhat .. unusual fare for a wedding. Entahlah. I suppose kalau dah biasa sangat, anything else would be a bit odd. Tapi bedal jugak. ;o) Chek Anne kita contol sikit. Alah, sikit je. Hehe. Tapi maybe that's just because her "friend" was sitting next to her. Or maybe I just terperasan that way because I was sitting too far away to notice berapa kali dia tambah nasi and lauk. Heh heh. Chek Anne jangan marah, ye?
It was a thoroughly enjoyable night. Everyone was all "gussied up" (to borrow MzMin's term) and generally looking super hot. Too bad I forgot to buy batteries for my camera beforehand. :o(
Yes, it was a fun night. It was fun being catty and watching other people with their baaaaad fashion sense. Can you believe the Sultan of Kedah turned up wearing a flourescent green baju melayu when the Sultanah was wearing cream? What the hell were the either of them - or BOTH of them! - thinking??!?!!
Also, there was the very entertaining little game I was playing with this cute guy at the next table. From the moment I arrived, he was eyeing me top to toe. No, not in a leering sort of manner, otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged that sort of behaviour! Also it just so happened that I was sitting directly in his line of sight - which I swear was NOT engineered and ENTIRELY coincidental - so all throughout dinner there was a game of main-main mata going on. I peeked at him, he peeked at me, flirtatious smiles, a wink or two, you get the picture. Somewhat juvenile, I know, but it kept things, ah, interesting. Besides, he was CUTE! *giggles* Things got a little less immature when gazes were locked for a second, then two, then a few.
However, the fun came to a sudden halt when the woman next to him started playing with his hair and kissed him on the cheek. Sigh. How come the only men who are ever interested in me seem to be previously spoken for? It made me wonder if I only look good to men after they become bored with their partners. What wonders THAT does for my self-esteem! *dripping sarcasm* Seriously, it's like the only types of men I seem to be able to attract these days are attached men. Am I *gasp!* the Forbidden Fruit? Yeah right. Macamlah hot sangat. Hmm .. hot? fruit? Does that make me the human equivalent of pisang goreng? Or cempedak goreng? Cause I'm definitely no hot apple strudel. Apa daaaaa ... Now I've made myself hungry. Mana boleh aku cari cempedak goreng malam-malam nih?
It would be an understatement to say that I'm more than just a little sick of attention from attached men, so that game ended pretty abruptly.
But after that, there was that super fun game of trying to guess what the keepsakes actually were. Top guesses were table runners and/or embroidered purses for the ladies, no idea AT ALL what the men received. It was truly baffling. Either way, the guesses didn't make any sense. Who gives away table runners for wedding keepsakes?? The embroidered purses were more logical, but they seemed a little too big. Once I arrived home, I finally found out what they were. Embroidered cushion covers.
Me: Blink. Blink blink. Maaaaaak....
They still don't make sense .. but they're pretty, so who's complaining? *G*
And I learned a new word today! Gonjang. As in, "Ikram tu, gonjang lah!" Haha! Wait a minute. Gonjang ke gonjeng ke gojang? I dah lupa. Apa nak buat. SPM dapat C3 je for BM ....
Oh! One thing did serve to make the night somewhat less than perfect: (Huda, I've put this in just for you. ;o) ) the horrible, horrible wedding singers. MzMin, if you thought that Hindustani singer and that Malay pakcik last night at the nikah were bad, you would have been praying for them tonight. Tonight's were not quite bad-beyond-words, but they were definitely bad. Someone should have either shot them, or shot me. Either way, just someone make the misery stop.
Speaking of which, MzMin, your absence was felt. The Girlygirls were one short, and don't think none of us noticed. (Okay, technically we're several short, but the others couldn't help being stuck in the UK, so they don't count. *pout*) We missed ya, Min. Excuse No. 186 (and #187 and #194) not withstanding, it would have been a real Girlygirls Event had you been there. If it had been my wedding, I would have made you come bogel if need be. Haha! Nasib baik it wasn't. ;oP
Friday, June 18, 2004
THE Wedding of the Year!
Today, an old friend is getting hitched. Ms. S (soon to be Puan S) and me, we've known each other a loooong time, starting way back in primary school and all through high school. Despite that, I can't claim we've ever been close. I think it's got a lot to do with her being the Classy Lady, as opposed to my brashness. Hehe. But despite the difference, we've always been on good terms, and she's marrying a good man, and I'm so happy for her! :)
Last night was her malam berinai. I made the embarassing mistake of thinking it would be a small, private affair of girlfriends gathering, gossipping, having fun, getting all weepy and sentimental, and wishing the bride well, as is the custom with other Malay weddings. A kind of intimate gathering of girls for the last time before one of them finally became a Woman. Boy, was I wrong!
Like I said to MzMin, we should have known better!! This is the marriage of the children of two of the most prominent families in Malaysia, so what the hell was I thinking dressing down for the occassion??! I should have known that there's no such thing as private and intimate with a wedding of this magnitude! Argh.
Yes, I am vain, up to a point. I believe in dressing well, and dressing to suit an occasion. Never have I over-dressed nor under-dressed for any occasion. I have been guilty of minor breaches, but never too severely. (We can blame this on my upbringing. My mother is a stickler for propreity. I thank her for that.) But yesterday! Oh. My. God. I was soooo under-dressed to the point of being practically UNdressed! The little kids running around were better dressed than me! Thank goodness for this huuuuge wall I could hide behind! Needless to say, we didn't stay for very long. (Apologies to MzMin for that. Sorry, dahlink!)
*Sigh* The one time I under-dress, I do it to monumental proportions.
Me: Eh, apesal tudung-tudung makciks ni mamancar-mancar, hah?
Idiot.
Okay, it might not be that big a deal to you, but it was to me. There are certain things you take pride in, it might be your work with some people, it might be your ability to give good speeches, whatever! And to err so dramatically in it... Well. It's a huge blow. I've rarely been soooo embarassed ever! Aiya ... Yes, yes, I know that there are other more important things, but dressing appropriately is important to me too! *huff* *preen* ;)
Adoooi ... I've learned my lesson. This is THE Wedding of the Year. I shall be pulling out all stops tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday. It's no longer a matter of dressing to the nines, it's dressing to the elevens! I'm going for the kill, babeh! Lolz ...
But tonight (and the weekend) is not about me. It's about celebrating the marriage and happiness of a friend. It's about sharing her joy, and giving her just as much in return. It's about wishing her well, and helping her start off her marriage the best and most joyful way possible, and may that joy be everlasting.
My Japanese name is Hachemon Asahara.
Take The Kawaii Japanese Name Generator by Shuichigami today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
I sound like Doraemon's cousin. Hehe...
Last night was her malam berinai. I made the embarassing mistake of thinking it would be a small, private affair of girlfriends gathering, gossipping, having fun, getting all weepy and sentimental, and wishing the bride well, as is the custom with other Malay weddings. A kind of intimate gathering of girls for the last time before one of them finally became a Woman. Boy, was I wrong!
Like I said to MzMin, we should have known better!! This is the marriage of the children of two of the most prominent families in Malaysia, so what the hell was I thinking dressing down for the occassion??! I should have known that there's no such thing as private and intimate with a wedding of this magnitude! Argh.
Yes, I am vain, up to a point. I believe in dressing well, and dressing to suit an occasion. Never have I over-dressed nor under-dressed for any occasion. I have been guilty of minor breaches, but never too severely. (We can blame this on my upbringing. My mother is a stickler for propreity. I thank her for that.) But yesterday! Oh. My. God. I was soooo under-dressed to the point of being practically UNdressed! The little kids running around were better dressed than me! Thank goodness for this huuuuge wall I could hide behind! Needless to say, we didn't stay for very long. (Apologies to MzMin for that. Sorry, dahlink!)
*Sigh* The one time I under-dress, I do it to monumental proportions.
Me: Eh, apesal tudung-tudung makciks ni mamancar-mancar, hah?
Idiot.
Okay, it might not be that big a deal to you, but it was to me. There are certain things you take pride in, it might be your work with some people, it might be your ability to give good speeches, whatever! And to err so dramatically in it... Well. It's a huge blow. I've rarely been soooo embarassed ever! Aiya ... Yes, yes, I know that there are other more important things, but dressing appropriately is important to me too! *huff* *preen* ;)
Adoooi ... I've learned my lesson. This is THE Wedding of the Year. I shall be pulling out all stops tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday. It's no longer a matter of dressing to the nines, it's dressing to the elevens! I'm going for the kill, babeh! Lolz ...
But tonight (and the weekend) is not about me. It's about celebrating the marriage and happiness of a friend. It's about sharing her joy, and giving her just as much in return. It's about wishing her well, and helping her start off her marriage the best and most joyful way possible, and may that joy be everlasting.
Japanese Name
My Japanese name is Hachemon Asahara.
Take The Kawaii Japanese Name Generator by Shuichigami today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
I sound like Doraemon's cousin. Hehe...
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
A Fresh New Look & Location
Aaaah .. There's nothing like starting anew, is there?
Reasons for the move are simple. Well, there's actually only one reason: Better Templates. Me being the web-illiterate I am, I wanted a snazzier-looking page with minimum fuss (not to mention effort) and after looking at other blogs hosted by blogger, I've decided they're snazzier, minimal-effort and fuss-free enough for me.
So here we are, ladies and gents. A fresh new look for the same old trash.
.. and so much for starting anew. I've brought all my old baggage with me. Peruse at will. *winkz*
Reasons for the move are simple. Well, there's actually only one reason: Better Templates. Me being the web-illiterate I am, I wanted a snazzier-looking page with minimum fuss (not to mention effort) and after looking at other blogs hosted by blogger, I've decided they're snazzier, minimal-effort and fuss-free enough for me.
So here we are, ladies and gents. A fresh new look for the same old trash.
.. and so much for starting anew. I've brought all my old baggage with me. Peruse at will. *winkz*
Sunday, June 13, 2004
KLite .. Proud and Lovin' It
What is it with people who move to KL from .. other places (read: KAMPUNGS!!!!) .. and then gripe on and on and on about how KL is so polluted lah, crime rate so high lah, people so impersonal and unfriendly lah, food not as good/authentic/fresh as it is back home lah, traffic jams so bad here not like back home where there's never a traffic jam even during peak periods lah ... you get the idea ... but still choose to stay here?
If it's sooooo good at home, go home lah! Nobody's making you stay, are they? If the food is sooooo good back home, then go eat at home! Buat semak je kat KL ni with all you kampung people menyibuk here, tak sedar that they are the ones who make KL so congested to begin with. Tak sedar diri lansung .. and then they actually have the nerve to complain?!?!?! Ni yang buat aku naik berang nih ...
*Fumes*
Sorry. These people just irritate me to no end! They come here looking for a better life, then proceed to put down so much about it when they find themselves out of their depths and unable to keep pace .. then wax overly lyrical about whatever Hicksville they call home, and how everything there is by faaaaaar superior to KL. And yet, after realising how much better everything is at home, they still refuse(!) to go home ... 'cause KL is where It Is! Bloody inconsistent beruks. Make up your minds. Either stay and shut the f*ck up, or go home and shut the f*ck up. Either way, just shut the f*ck up. Keep your small-town opinions to yourself, because KLites are interested in neither you NOR your little opinions.
Shite excuses like "just a hint of homesickness" don't hold water in the bucket. If you came here looking for a better life, better education or to cari rezeki or whatever, you don't piss on the one that fed you.
I'm not saying non-KLites are not welcome here. They're more than welcome. And I understand pride for your hometown, but you don't go around dissing someone else's home, ESPECIALLY NOT to the face of someone who was born and bred in KL. F*ckin Hell, I don't go to f*cking boring Ipoh and go on and on and on about how dead that place is and oh! what a paradise I think KL is (even though I really DO think Ipoh is absolutely catatonic and KL is really where things are At.) It's just f*cking bad manners, man!
And maybe that's what bothers me the most; the lack of sensitivity, lack of consideration, and plain f*cking bad manners. Oh. One more: small-mindedness.
Another thing I've noticed about a lot of people who did not grow up in large cities is that they tend to be very small-minded. And if they happen to be Chinese, it's worse! Their mindset seem to be somewhat paradoxical: they tend to be (in varying degrees, but almost always very) community-minded, to the point where they almost lose all sense of individuality, but yet they tend to be so self-centered. Being selfish, yet a non-individual. Selfish sheep. Baaaaa.
Yes, I know this only applies to some people. There are people I know who moved here from elsewhere and they do have fond recollections of home, and yes, sometimes the food back home is better, but KL has been good to them, that's why they stay. They sometimes do privately think home is better, but KL is good too and after so many years, KL also became home.
You just don't piss in the house that sheltered you.
Everyday I am grateful I grew up in KL. Everyday I am grateful for this wonderful city, bustling with life. Everyday I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned from her, from her people. Everyday I'm glad I don't live in a Hickstown where someone's dirty laundry becomes everybody's business.
One of the more valuable lessons I'm glad I've learned from growing up in the city is Respect for Personal Space. In small communities, everybody knows your name, as the theme song goes. I won't deny it has its pros, but for a highly private person like me, it definitely has its cons. In KL, that kind of familiarity is rare.
I love that I can walk on the streets without having to bother saying "Hi!" every few meters, because if I wanted company, I would call a friend. I suppose I could just stay at home if I wanted to be left alone, but that gets lonely. Walking around KL by myself gives me this feeling of complete privacy around people. I can be alone without being lonely. It is truly unique.
It's not saying that KLites are unfriendly. By far. I find that KLites are amongst the warmest and people you would find. KLites are adept at being totally impersonal on one hand, yet extremely welcoming on the other. I find it so easy to strike up a pleasant conversation with just about anyone on the LRT, yet everyone would leave you completely alone should you so desire.
KL is a wonderful melting pot of cultures, cuisines, personalities and quirks. That's what I love most about KL: her quirks. I love KL and she's been good to me. That's why I'll never leave. No matter where I might go, no matter who I turn out to be, I'll always come back. This is my home, it always will be.
Sigh. It's late, I'm woozy. I'm going to sleep.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
The Benefits of Retail Therapy
Everywhere I turn nowadays friends are getting married/engaged/having babies. This recent spate of .. umm … other people’s joy(s) have had a morose, inversely proportional effect on me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m not happy for them. I am! I’m just … not happy for me.
Sigh. Selfish of me to be concerned with poor-poor-me thoughts, I know, but it’s .. inevitable, I think. Everyone’s getting married! I feel left out! I wanna get married too!!! *ahem* Uh .. no, not really. Just a little bit of childish-foot-stamping-tantrum humour there. :o) Eh heh. I’m nowhere near ready to be making commitments and handling responsibilities of that sort. I need to grow up a bit more first. *winkz*
Nevertheless, it all got me feeling a little blue .. compounded by a few other recent happenings as well. So what does a girl do when she’s down in the dumps? *drum roll, please*
GO SHOPPING!!!! Of course. *winkz*
Aaaah .. nothing like a spot of retail therapy to cheer a girl up. It’s one of those things men will never be able to understand. Well, okay, I do happen to know some men who understand the healing properties of making completely frivolous purchases, but they’re (mostly) gay (or are simply in denial as to their sexuality), so they don’t count. ;o)
For all you girls, there really isn’t any need for me to expound on the subject, is there? For the guys, however … I don’t know. There really isn’t an explanation as to why spending money makes us feel so much better. Maybe it’s the thrill of having something new that’s uplifting. Maybe the money is in some way representative of our worries, and that by exchanging the cash for something else, it’s as though we’re exchanging our sorrows for something better. Something cheering. Something of our own choosing. …. Or maybe it’s solely the satisfaction of fulfilling our greed for material possessions. Ha ha! But whatever the reasons, shopping makes us feel GOOD. *G*
I don’t know. It seems that for guys, the (usually) most effective way to lepas geram is through physical exertions (I mean sports, weights, gym, martial arts .... what were you thinking?!?!!!! *G*), but in recent years, I’ve discovered that shopping is a highly effective way for me to let off some steam. A very costly method, admittedly, but hey, whatever works, right? And it’s a lot more therapeutic (not to mention damaging to your purse!) to do it with someone who’s just as shop-happy as you! (Read: gay best friend. We shall, for future reference, call him Mr. Mucho.) *G*
Inventory of What I Bought Today
1. 1 dress shoe, 3 slippers.
2. Cutesy .. err .. 'essentials' from Topshop and a Stila Smudge Pot.
3. Lomograph
4. T-shirt from Radioactive.
5. Totally over-priced dinner for 2.
Item(s) 1: I needed a pair of nice shoes for formal/semi-formal ocassions, 2 slippers for casual wear, 1 novelty-slippers for the beach. But I don’t really need an excuse to buy shoes. Men, take note: A woman can never have enough shoes. (I don’t think Ikram needs this lesson, tho. Hee hee heeeee..)
Item(s) 2: Feel good, pick-me-up items. Things completely unnecessary, but make us feel good having. In other words, Comfort Items. ;o)
Item 3: My sister’s 21st bday present. She’s been mad about Lomography for a while now, so it was a wonderful find. Was having a time thinking of a good gift, and found it completely by chance. I think it’s called Serendipity.
Item 4: I needed clothes. I always need clothes.
Item 5: Hey, it was a day of indulgence, and since Mr. Mucho was sweet enough to watch “Troy” again with me (despite him thinking it’s a crap movie) just because I wanted to watch it sooooooo bad, well. I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to end the day.
Oh. Troy. “The Face That Launched a Thousand Ships” was NOT Helen of Sparta neé Troy’s. It was Orlando Bloom’s!! Aiyoooooh! Could that boy be any more beautiful??!?!!! It’s obscene how gorgeous he is!! That kind of face should come with a Public Health Warning! "U" rating, indeed! And it’s not just him. Eric Bana (my new Hunk-of-the-Month), Brad Pitt, Sean Bean … they’re ALL in the SAME movie!! This officially makes “Troy” the FIRST movie in the history of movie-making where the male actors are waaaaay prettier than the ladies! Adoi … That movie had me swooning every 4 minutes. Total babe-fest! Hee hee heeeeeee ….
That aside though, it was a good movie. A tad slow in some places, a few slap-my-forehead-what-the-hell-kind-of-script-writing-is-this moments, but overall, it was a well-paced movie, very high on the entertainment level, if, erm, watching people being butchered is your idea of entertainment. Also, I’ll have to disagree with Mr. Mucho who thought the acting was wooden. I thought the acting wasn’t too bad, if you overlook the fact that despite them being Greeks, they spoke in a hodgepodge of accents ranging from English to Scottish to American, and one very confused Belgian/English/American/Australian accented Helen.
Aiya! I'm not doing too good a job of giving it a glowing review, am I? It's good, lah!
I definitely recommend the movie. Just make sure you visit the loo beforehand. Running time is 2 hours 57 minutes. (Apa daaa … Cakap je lah 3 hours!!)
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