To Be Phat, or Slym?

Today, I found myself being unable to focus - as in really focus - on anything. My thoughts have been running in erratic tangents all day long. I don't even know why I'm bothering to write today. Maybe it's another erratic tangent .. off .. something .......

Was craving for pizza 3 days straight. So today, right after work, at 10pm, I rushed to Pizza Hut, Lucky Garden, in the hopes that it was still open. Happy chance had it open till 11pm! Yay! So I bought a 9" Cheese-Stuffed Crust Hawaiian Chicken and a Pan-Crust Chicken Supreme, to go. When we got (home), guess who gobbled down all of the Cheese-Stuffed Crust Hawaiian Chicken, save one tiny slice? *Sigh* My only excuse was that I was starving and the craving only exacerbated the hunger. Glutton-like, I know, but it's not as if anybody else was eating it .... *G* As repentance, I shall put in a thorough workout at the gym tomorrow.

IF I wake up, that is. lolz ...

Hmm .. another train of thought: as Intan recently brought up, why is it that we women need to be thin to feel beautiful? Rather, why do we need to feel thin to feel beautiful? As is sometimes the case, thin women feel that they aren't thin enough, therefore suffer some sort of inferiority complex.

Is it because the glossies tell us 'Thin is In'? Is it the fault of fashion moguls who hire only sticks to model their rags? Or do we blame (gasp!) men, who, in the end, are ultimately who we're really trying to please?

Girls, let's be honest. We all, without exception, want to look nice and sexy for our men. And more often than not, sexy = thin = sexy. This game of animal attraction, I believe, is only a natural instinct. Nature's way of ensuring future generations and all .. lolz!

But it's always made me wonder: why should being sexy have anything at all to do with being thin? And let's all be honest now. Sure you might think the woman is sexy just the way she is, but can any of you really deny she'd be a whole lot sexier if she lost a few pounds?

I am not suggesting men should be blamed for this. Hardly! I'm just stating a fact. Again I ask the question: Who put these ideals of beauty in our heads? Man or woman, it hardly matters. We all have more or less the same picture of what ideal beauty should look like. Superficially.

Nowadays, beauty (snort) mags harp on and on about how one should be more accepting of one's physical condition. That the real beauty lies inside of you. I don't disagree with the message, for in a way, I believe it to be true .. but sometimes it's hard to remember it all when on the opposite page is a huge colour ad for Slimming Sanctuary/Expressions/Marie France "Find the True You!" slimming programs. Those with spokespeople who endorse feeling grrrrrreat about themselves after they've lost 30kgs and 1000 cms off their butts/thighs/upper arms. Those who attest to now having more confidence (!!) in themselves now that they are sticks, as opposed to feeling suicidally depressed when they were fat .. especially after giving birth, which is only supposed to be one of the most euphoric events of a woman's life. But no. Being thin makes you feel sooo much better than bringing a new life into the world.

With one camp harping on about "Being Fat is Phat! Just be You!" and the other banging on about the confidence-boosting properties of slimming, it's no wonder that our generation is so confused. I am certainly not immune. So what do I do? I believe that I Am What and Who I Am, despite my physical appearance, but if I Were Slim, well, that'd be grrrrrrreat! *Oy, am I in a sarcastic mood tonight!* So I eat what I want, coz I know I'm beautiful inside, then, alamak!! Besok kena pergi gym, nih!!! Diet! Diet! Diet! We are the confused generation. Adoi, pening kepala otak gua..

.. What the hell was I talking about?!?!! lolz .. I took a really short break just to stretch, and the train (of thought) was cataclysmically derailed! Okay, I'll take that as a sign of enough being enough. *chuckles*

At the end of the day, however, I think that perhaps we'll ultimately realise how superficial it all is. When you're old and wrinkled and sagging, and when sex is haaaardly an option anymore, it will finally truly sink in just how superficial physical beauty is. Until then, however, the confusing quest for Beauty goes on! lolz ... Maybe it's just me. I'm the seeing-is-believing sort of person, and although I know the theory of some things, it won't really sink in until I've experienced it. I can be stubborn that way. :o)

Will be away at an Accountings Course for 4 days. Yes, Accounting. My mum is sending her admin person for it and there was an extra space. I thought, what the hell. I might as well go. You'll never know when that skill might come on handy .. ;o) Wish me un-boredom!