What Being Malaysian Means To Me

The title makes me feel like I'm writing an essay for school. *winkz*

On the night of the 29th of August, I went out for dinner with a few friends. Of course, the matter of Merdeka Day came up, it being the night before the eve of and all. What came up in the ensuing conversation, with regards to the forementioned topic, was:

1. that it would be a public holiday, and
1.1. what will you be doing on Tuesday (Merdeka Day), ah??

2. tomorrow night: countdown. You counting down or not?
2.1. where? BBWalk? Dataran? KLCC?
2.1.1. eh, i heard got AF/Erra/Too Phat/etc. concert at yah-de-yah place. you going there izzit?
2.2. countdown at club, ah?
2.1.1. which club, haaaaaaaa?

All I could do was sit there and listen to the conversation with absolute dismay. What made me even more distraught was another topic which wove itself intermittently through the conversation, which was the subject of P(ermanent)R(esidence)ship in a foreign country.

How the hell does someone talk about applying for PR - and possibly migrating - in the same breath that they mention our Independence Day? No, less a matter of 'how do they?' than a matter of 'how can they?'.

Patriotism is, apparently, dead in most places. We were sitting in the middle of a busy eatery, and all around me I could hear plans of where who would be going for the countdown, which club, which bar, which pub they would go to, meet who and who and who, call so and so to join us, then can paaaaaarty (I hear such-and-such club is having Happy Hours till 2am, wor!).

If only these people really listened to what they were saying. Hello, it's Merdeka Day? A day to commemorate the day our country gained its independence 47 years ago? Sure, a lot of us were not yet around to witness the Event first-hand, but isn't that why we celebrate it every year? To make us aware of it?

I'm finally beginning to understand the purpose of all those tedious Sejarah (History) lessons in school. Sure, they were boring, but now I see just how necessary it all was, and still is.

It made me sad that grown adults talked of such a significant day in such an insignificant manner. It made me sad that Merdeka Day was a day to go have dinner at some fancy restaurant and then head for expensive wine(s) at the nearest lounge. (Merdeka Day, what? Special day! Must celebrate, so must spend money la!) Did being a free country really mean so little to them? For crying out loud, they can do that on any other day! Does the special day meant to commemorate the day we achieved Independence mean so little to them?

These past few years have seen more wars than I care for, the most recent being the war in Iraq. Poor, poor Iraq. Freed of one tyrant, only to be the lackey of another. Does America really think they fooled anybody by declaring Iraq 'independent' now? Poor, poor Iraq. Thing is, this issue is not even really over yet. Are Malaysians so thick-skulled that they cannot learn from the mistakes or misfortunes of others? Thinking about the whole Iraq issue makes me appreciate my country's independence even more.

But what disappointed me the most was the topic of PR. All my dining companions, with me being the only exception, were either:
1. in the process of obtaining a PR,
2. applying for PR soon, or
3. interested and will work on applying for PR in the near future.

Countries of choice, in a roughly descending order: Australia, US, UK, Singapore (bomb Singapore!!). Australia was by far the favourite, owing to the fact that many already have relatives of some sort already living there. ('80's migration boom.)

To me, listening to my fellow countrymen talking about swearing by another country, it felt almost tantamount to betrayal. I'll allow that I may have been overreacting to it a wee bit, but to say it didn't sit well with me would be grossly understating how I felt. So, feeling the (possibly unreasonable) need to 'defend' my country somewhat (against my own countrymen! Oh, the pain!), I asked them why they even want a PR status in someone else's country.

They looked at me as if I were a simpleton, an idiot who never bothered to find out what went on beyond the length of my own nose. The reasons are simple, Jas.
1. Jobs. It'll be much easier to get a job in Australia, coz most of the time, if you don't have at least PR status, your CV won't even be looked at.
2. Careers. Work overseas, got standard, mah! If you want to come back to work here (although only God would know why you would want to!), better chance of getting a high-paying position! But why come back? Overseas pay in USD or AUSD. More money, what! Come back here, get paid in Ringgit, cheh! Peanuts, man!!
3. Status. People back home hear you live overseas, waaaaa! Glamour, man. What's more, even your family back home can tumpang glamour, got relatives in angmoh country, almost just as good as an angmoh themselves!
4. And most importantly, Security. Ya what? If Malaysia suddenly got war one day, how? Must have a security net somewhere! Somewhere to run to in times of trouble! You stupid, ah? You mean you never thought of all this before?

Nationalism is well and truly dead, at least with that group. Loyalty is a dirty 7-letter word, patriotism a forgotten sentiment.

To say I was disgusted is putting it mildly. I was so offended, at more than just their thoughtless remarks, but at their sentiments as well! And their gall! We were just talking about Hari Merdeka!!!

Jobs, careers, money to be made, Malaysia is a rich land, with more than enough opportunities for them to make oodles and oodles of money! What makes them think that the foreigners are going to welcome outsiders into their countries with open arms and press them to their bosoms? Ei, you are going there to take their jobs, take their money, live on land that would more rightly be theirs. What the hell makes you think they're not going to fight you, if not openly then in a million small ways? Come on, lah! What makes you think that they're not going to treat you the same way we treat Indonesian, Filipino and Bangladeshi workers here, no matter how professional you may be, ha? To them, you are Third World, man! So many people, when thinking of migrating, think that they'll be welcomed with rose petals strewn in their paths.

As for security reasons. *snort* This disgusted me the most.

"If got war, then how? Must have somewhere to run to! Safer that way! You should be more long-sighted, Jas!"

Kepala hotak biul engkau! What the hell makes you think I'll abandon my country in her direst time of need?!?!!! If there is a war, like hell I will stay and fight for my country! This is my home! I will fight for her with the last living breath in my body.

Hujan emas di negeri orang,
Hujan batu di negeri sendiri.
Baik lagi di negeri sendiri.

I finally understand what this means. I'll take my chances with the hujan batu.

This land I was born in, this land I was raised in, this land that fed me, nurtured me, protects me - this is my home, no other. She has claimed me as hers, and I have claimed her as mine. More significantly, I belong to her, as she belongs to me. There is something so welcoming about this land, that unexplainable something which makes it unmistakably Home. I'll not run like a coward to seek refuge in another country. I'll not abandon her like a traitor, I'll not renounce my loyalty to her like a betrayer. This is where I was born, and this is where I hope to finally rest.

Long-sighted, my left ass. *snort* I am disgusted they can't see the worth of things beyond saving their own necks.

This one year, the whole family went to the Royal Selangor Club on the eve of Merdeka Day. We had dinner, then stayed on for the countdown. As the clock struck midnight, shouts of "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!" filled the air, fists thrust towards the sky, and the national anthem started. The Dataran was filled to bursting with people, and as the national anthem played over the loudspeaker, everyone stood to attention, but went on chatting with each other.

In a quiet corner of the balcony where my family and I stood, two mat salleh couples sat, having drinks. If I remember correctly they were English. As the clock struck twelve, they rose from their table and stood with the rest of us at the railing. When the national anthem was played, they stood to attention. While some Malaysians on the Dataran chatted and horsed around, they sang our national anthem out loud as they watched the flag being raised 100m into the air. At the end of the anthem, they clasped each other around the waists and kissed each other. Then the men shook hands, while the women hugged. Then they turned to us, smiled, and wished us all "Selamat Hari Merdeka".

I never forgot that. I was fourteen. It took two mat salleh couples to show me what the spirit of Merdeka was all about.

Merdeka is the legacy our forefathers left for us. Merdeka Day is not an excuse for rave parties, it is a day to reflect on the battles our forefathers fought to achieve Merdeka, and it is a day to appreciate and celebrate their victory. For certain, celebrating it is more than a little alright, but all too often nowadays, the partying goes into overdrive whereas the true significance of the day becomes almost incidental.

Merdeka celebrations get to me. Huge emotional affairs. Smothering my car with flags the whole month of August doesn't make me a patriot, I carry the spirit of it with me everyday, even when I'm not conciously aware of it. Some days, I'm overwhelmed by how fortunate I am to be living in such a country so blessed with so much. And some days, I'll even remember to be grateful we live in a free country. Our own country, somewhere we truly belong. And it has to be asked: What does being Malaysian mean to you?

SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA!

Blurry - Puddle Of Mudd

Blurry. This song pretty much sums up everything right now. :'o(


Blurry

Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that i will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
Take it all away.

~Puddle of Mudd~

Sentimentality

*Groan* It's been a busy week. I can't believe tomorrow's already Friday. Where has the week gone?! No, don't tell me. I already know. I've uncovered the REAL meaning to ISO - Invention untuk Seksa Orang. *gnashes teeth*

~@~

You know how some songs are so beautiful they make you cry? Songs that are so full of yearning? So much raw emotion? Here are the top songs which could reduce me to tears at the drop of a hat - when I'm in the right (or wrong?) mood:

1. Always With Me, Always With You - Joe Satriani
2. Here Without You - Three Doors Down
3. Naked - The Goo Goo Dolls
4. Falls On Me - Fuel
5. Wasted Time - Amir Yussof
6. Masih - Flop Poppy
7. Cinta - Flop Poppy
8. Slide - The Goo Goo Dolls
9. Without You - Silverchair
10. Why - Avril Lavigne
11. Time Stands Still - The All-American Rejects
12. Numb - Linkin Park

Temperamental sentimentality.

Yep, they're all rock songs. "Masih" might be the only exception, it's very jiwang-type. I typically hate jiwang-type songs. I blame Mariah Kari (Carey). She turns sentimental melody and lyrics into an overblown ego trip. Ooooh! Look how I can taaaaaaaarik this! I'm sooo good ..... *preen* Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. Doesn't change the fact that she makes me hurl, tho. *winkz* Nothing beats jiwang-rock songs for raw pain, babeh. No, Marilyn Manson is not raw pain. He's just plain psycho..

Quiz: The OK Cupid Test!

I love Internet Tests! How else would I know what kind of person I am?!! *winkz*

The OK Cupid Test





The Priss : Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Your exact opposite: The Playstation (Random Gentle Sex Master)

ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy

CONSIDER: The Manchild

~@~

Deliberate: (as opposed to Random) Makes decisions carefully. Is aware of, and weighs, consequences. Takes time to think things through.

Brutal: (as opposed to Gentle) More selfish than average. Selectively moral. (Ed: Eh heh hehhh ...)

Wants Love: (as opposed to Sex) Love is subject's primary motivation.

Dreamer: (as opposed to Master) Relatively innocent. Unjaded. Possessing undiscovered potential. Evolving.

~@~

" These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. (Ed: Yah right.) If only more of them lived up to your standards. (Ed: Snob!!)

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. "

How many times have I heard other people tell me this, or (let's be honest here) think it myself? It's freakily uncanny. Silly as some of the questions in this test is, it makes you wonder at its accuracy, somewhat.

Missed Opportunities?

Today, someone almost (more or less) handed me something I've most desired for ages, on a silver platter. I've been wishing for it so badly, wanted it more than I could ever express, and today, it turns up. All I had to do was play my cards right, and Jas, being the brilliant opportunist she is, what does she do?

She FUCKS it up!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

When things are this screwed up, nothing beats the mother of all swear words. That little four-letter words just sums the fuck-up in its entirety. Just saying the word expresses all the frustration pent up like nothing else can. Repeating it on a loop for 20 continuous minutes accomplishes many things, amongst which are:
1) relieves you (somewhat) of the stress brought on by your idiotic mistake, even if the relief is only temporary;
2) reminds you what a *&$^%#@ idiot you are ...
3) .. and punishes you for it;
4) will be an efficient reminder to never commit the same mistake again, by virtue of the memory now associated with that little word.

Fuuuuuuuck!!!!!!

"Honesty is the best policy" is SOOOO over-rated!! Who says honesty is the best policy?!?!?!!!!! I fucking won't make that fucking mistake again!

*fumes*

Quiz: Which Greek God Are You

Aphrodite/Eros


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz: Sex & The City!

You Are Most Like Charlotte! You are the ultimate romantic idealist. You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love. If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever, and it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you. Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)? Could be very serious - if you play your cards right! Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now!

Under The Weather

I'm as sick as a dog. No, not that kind of sick. I'm ill, lah! I think I'm coming down with a fever/cold. My head feels like it's stuffed-to-exploding with wet cotton, my eyeballs feel like they're about to pop out of their sockets, my nose feels like it's being plugged with an industry-sized drain stopper, and my throat couldn't be more raw had I tried to outshriek Chester Bennington 13 concerts running.

What's worse is that I can't taste a thing, which makes me constantly, raveneously hungry. What's weird is that eventhough my sense of taste is kaput, I have this insatiable craving for cheese. Melted cheese over bread pieces in my tomato soup. It's all I could stand to eat today. I've already guzzled down two cans of Campbell's Tomato Soup, half a packet of cheese, and about half a loaf of bread - but I'm STILL hungry! The only reason I am not still eating is because I am shuddering at the thought of what this is doing to my diet. Ish. So much for following (or trying to) HoneyR's good example! Humph!

Being sick has it upsides, however. I got the rest of the day off work. Yahoo! Sure, I was too out of it to do anything fun with my half "day off", but I got to sleep the rest of the day away. The things you take for granted when you're not working. Ish ish ish.

Also, MrMechanic brought over some chicken porridge when he heard I was sick. Tee hee. So what if it was McDonald's and he forgot to ask them to leave out the oil and garnishing which made my throat itch worse, and that I had to answer the door looking like Frankenstein's worst nightmare? It's the sweetest thing anyone who's courting me has done for a loooooong looooooong time.

He sat with me while I finished my porridge (terpaksa telan!!) and handed me tissues to blow my nose. I have no doubt I looked quite the fright, but when your head feels like it's being pounded on by Donkey Kong, you tend to let go of some hang-ups. You have more important things to be concerned about than whether your shirt brings out the best in your red-rimmed eyes. But if he wasn't cringing at the hacking cough and foghorn-like nose blowing, then I suppose it wasn't that bad. :o) Then, he fetched a bowl of ice-cream from the kitchen for me. Awwww. And it didn't even matter that he took 15 minutes to get it, and that the kitchen looked like it had been raided by the hungry forces of Attilla the Hun when he was done. Goes to show that men should really be kept out of the kitchen!

A girl could get used to being courted like this. *winkz*

Who is this MrMechanic, I hear you ask? Remember the younger man I was whining about? Yep, that'd be him. He's been pretty sweet these past few months, and despite my initial misgivings, I find myself rather liking being treated like his princess. Sure he's still a bit gawkish, but rather than irritating me, I find myself becoming rather fond of my grease monkey. Today topped it all. Good God, I haven't quite fallen yet, but I think I've tripped and sustained a serious sprain!

See how far you can get by being sweet to women? I don't think any of us are totally unsusceptible to it. *laughs* We like knowing we're the Queen of your lives. Once you make us feel that, we'll give you the world.

~@~

p/s: I just got the results of my ill-fated drum exam today. Not so ill-fated after all! I scored a high Merit! Yipee! I missed Distinction by 2 points. Dang. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut at the end .... *winkz*

Today's such a good day! (Yes, despite being ill.) I haven't felt quite so lighthearted in weeks! Now, if only Amir Yussof will turn up at my doorstep to serenade me to sleep. *swoon* Heh heh. Hugz all around!

Growing Up

Weddings get to me. They didn't use to, but in the past few years, they have.

I suppose it all started with my cousin's wedding slightly over 2 years ago. She's two years older than me, and we more or less grew up together. We hung out a bit, did lunches, signed up for ice-skating lessons together, shared happy and bitter stories of our love lives, whenever one was currently in existence. I remember when she was telling me about this new guy she was seeing, how she'd known him almost forever since he was her older brother's friend, but they had only just started seeing each other. I loaned her my shoulder to cry on whenever she was lonely for him while he was studying in the US, I lent her my ear whenever she needed to blow off steam whenever they had an argument. Six years later, they married. Eight years on, they celebrated their son's first birthday.

I wept at her wedding. At the time I wasn't sure why I did. I just attributed it to heightened emotions. When I thought about it, I would be her age in two years. I shuddered at the thought of marriage in two years time.

Too many weddings than I can recall have passed since then, many of which were of friends of the same age, whom I went to school with. Some of them I had known since I started school at 7, some of them whom I had known later, but became close to. Most of the weddings were of girls I was - am - friends with, but were never particularly close to. Attending all those weddings, I never really got teary, with the exception of my cousin's, of course. Like I said, none were particularly close friends. This year, and the next two or so, my diary will be filled with the weddings of friends whom I am actually close to.

Today, I attended the wedding - akad nikah - of MsBoo. I've known her since .. I can't even remember. We spent our primary and secondary schooling years in the same school, and were always on friendly terms. The years after our schooling saw us maintaining that friendship, mainly through the GirlyGirl network. I guess I never told her how honoured I felt that she invited me to witness such an important event in her life, and to share her joy today. Anyway, the point is that of all the weddings I've attended to date, hers was more personal than all the others.

I knew her when she was still a budak Darjah 4. I knew her in high school. Today, she became somebody's wife.

I felt such a pang seeing her all dressed up for her wedding. She was so calm, so composed. So ready. I watched her demurely sit on the cushion in the masjid, listening to her very-very-soon-to-be husband recite the akad. I watched her serene expression as the lafaz was accepted by the wali and witnesses. She looked very grown up. She was all grown up.

Seeing her so composed helped me hold back my own tears. I don't know what I was tearing over, but her composure saved my own. However, had I been closer to her, no doubt there would be no holding them back. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the other Girls, who are all much closer to her than I.

"Min, do you think things will change after I get married?"
"Duh!" <-- sarcastic married mother of Min.
"I don't want things to change."

I know too well what that feels like. The first time I heard those words, I was the one who spoke them. The circumstances, however, were extremely different. He would be marrying and leaving me behind. I didn't want things to change. Well, I did want them to change, but not that way.

Marriage. All these friends have grown up, taking on new responsibilities willingly, embracing them with open arms. The thought of a committment of that scale makes me want to run to the ends of the world.

You see, marriages seem so ... cheap, what with the frequency of divorces nowadays. I don't condemn people who settle for divorce. As my mother once told me, you make the best decisions you can, but even then, they may ultimately turn out to be wrong. Your only options then are to either sleep in the bed you made, or admit your mistake and start over.

Egoistical me has a problem with admitting my mistakes. It doesn't mean that I don't - especially when it's especially glaring - but I just don't like to. Therefore, I avoid anything which could possibly end up being a mistake. Call it preemptive, call it chicken, but the point is, I hate taking risks. Factors of your life involving only you are by far easier to control, hence less the risk. When someone else enters the equation, wooo hooo! There's no way you can control someone else's thoughts or feelings, and that's risking a lot that things might not go so peachy. I've just realised what a control freak I might actually be. Aduh. o_O

Thing is, I'm not ready to be responsible for someone else. I've got quite a bit of growing up to do before I'm ready to allow my globe of responsibility to encompass someone else besides just me. Yes, yes. I know how selfish it sounds, but like I said, I have a lot of growing up to do yet. Responsibility for someone else is no piddling matter, and if I can't even be fully responsible for myself yet, how to take care of someone else? And when I finally do open myself up to it, I want to be sure that I actually can do it. All in good time. And just like most people, I only want to go through it once. I hope for it, I pray for it.

But despite not being ready for marriage myself, weddings get to me. I'm aware of just how much dedication it takes to make a committment like marriage, and I'm in awe that these couples have it in them.

And when I think about the responsibility of taking care of someone else, I sometimes think that it might be nice to give part of myself unconditionally, willingly, and derive joy from it.

And I think that it might be nice to have someone to unconditionally, willingly be responsible for me, to care for my every need, and that I could give him joy by it.

And I think it might be nice to have that for the rest of my life.

Now I know why I get teary at weddings.

Odd Thoughts - And I Do Mean ODD ....

It's been an ... interesting .. two weeks. A lot has happened, a lot to think about, yet, nothing really happened at all. It's weird. But like the title sez, ODD thoughts. ;o)

These past two weeks, I found myself veing reaquainted with many people I haven't seen, or have barely seen in years. It all started, I suppose, with the GGWeekend. Details of the weekend can be found here and here, so there's no real need for me to be repeating after everyone over that.

The GirlyGirls. Aaah, how much less colourful my life would be without them! Bless you, girls. Although I must honestly admit that I'm not as close to some of them as they are with each other, it's so wonderful knowing that if you're ever in need, there will always be someplace you can fall back on. Despite not being as close, I know that should any one of them need my help, I would be there in a second.

That weekend we did nothing more than enjoy each other's company. Okay, okay. There was a bit (LOT!!) of running around to 'meet schedules' etc. but essentially we did nothing more than just enjoy each other's company.

I found that to be a rare event for me. I don't get to do that much anymore. I don't think I have since the days of slumber parties at MzMin's way back when we were still in high school. The weekend brought back all those feel-good feelings. Worries were left at home, late nights and wee hours of the morning spent playing gin rummy (Ed: Where MrsNads made a super Grand Slam which left the rest of us in the dust) over idle chatter, girly self-spa sessions, gossiping, and on one night, an impromptu, though (thankfully!) short-lived farting contest. Yes, girls fart. Some more loudly than others, one louder than most. *snicker*

Nothing of great significance happened that weekend, yet, the weekend was in itself unsurpassably memorable. At the risk of sounding cliche, I'll never forget that weekend. I'll always remember how doing absolutely nothing with friends, real friends, can be so good, so essential for my inner well-being. I'll never forget, either, how necessary it is to have REAL people for friends; people who don't see the point of playing mind games, people who are truly sincere, people who are essentially, fundamentally good. Bless you, girls. Much love from me.

Sometime during the past week I also met up with a friend from my A-Levels days, whom I haven't seen in, oh, almost a year. We shall refer to him, henceforth, as TheHusband. Hehe. No, no story. Just a long-standing joke. Sexy, sexy boy. The very strongly silent type, but you know how purr-a-licious them brooding-types can be. *wink* We barely exchanged 20 words the whole one-and-a-half years of A-Levels, but on the 6-hour bus ride to Pangkor (post-grad celebration trip), we were exchanging life stories as if we were long-lost childhood friends. Anyway, we went out for dinner, and spent the whole night chatting, sharing our joys and disappointments.

And then there were all those people I dated in the past calling me up again. It's amazing how years went by without a word from them, then several called up in the space of two weeks. They were just calling to say hi, which isn't as suspicious as it might normally be, coz I parted on friendly terms with most of them. Not like there were many... However, with all of them, things just picked up where we left off - as amiable friends. They've always been in the back of my mind, and apparently, as I have been in theirs. It just made me see how friendships are capable of transcending time. The years in between melted away as if they never existed.

I don't know why I'm writing about all this, really. Alah, panjangnya cerita! I've always been verbose. My whole point is, I guess I have more friends out there than I initially thought. There are times where I sometimes have no idea where, or who to turn to, and it throws me into such despair. I suppose I do the opposite of taking friends for granted. I don't give them their due credit. These two weeks have shown me that there are people out there who care about me, about my well-being, even if I don't know it. As they say, everyone has at least one guardian angel. I've only just realised how many I really have. I should count my blessings more often.

Thanks, every one of you. For so much.

Exhausted ...

I've just started working. It's exhausting. Most perplexing, however, is that it's more exhausting when you're not really doing anything. No, check that. When you actually have work to do, then it's a good, accomplished kind of exhaustion. When you're sitting around waiting for the clock to show 5:30pm, then it's just plain weary.

A lot has happened since my last update, the best being MsBoo's Hen Weekend. Will write about that soon, when I have the energy. I just typed in this entry for update's sake. No, I haven't disappeared, I'm momentarily out for the count. I must, however, let it be known now that MsBoo's Hen Weekend was every bit as good as it promised to be. I love all you GirlyGirls.

Work. *Shudder* To think this will be my life for the next 30+ years. It's depressing.